Sunday, 23 December 2007

Scion Hero

My friend just left from a one-on-one session of Scion Hero where he played Shon Larson, a government agent who was fired due to unconventional ways of getting things done. The following is a log of what happened during the session, I hope to write a more coherent fiction piece based on it but here is the gist for now. Enjoy!

When Shon Larson was having a drink in his favourite pub, he got word from the bartender that a certain fellow was looking for someone of his talent to do some work. Since the bartender's contacts included mythological connections, Shon's curiosity took the better of him and so he was waiting the next day to meet with the man.

His wait wasn't long as he noted a silence creeping over the pub when two men in suits entered followed by a man with a strange radiant presence. Nearly immediately he went over to Shon and they had a talk. The man's name was Alexander Sonne, a drug lord here in New York and an Alfar trying to gain more power by using addicts as his worshippers. He told Shon of a problem he had with a new drug coming to the market. People called it Red Rage and it seemed highly addictive. Shon agreed to help the Alfar in return for money, which he received $10,000 up front.

After the discussion he rode his motorcycle to Queens. An hour of searching later he found someone who looked like a drug dealer so he went up to him and through discussion and some subterfuge, coerced the guy that he was indeed a confused addict looking for a way to lose some cash. While the exchange took place, he slipped a tracking device onto the guy. Having gotten the drug, he gave it to his friend for analysis and called it a day.

He received the call from his friend the next morning. Apparently, the pills contained erythrocytes, leukocytes, thrombocytes and eptifibatide. The last of which he instantly knew was an anti-thrombocytes drug. What's more, the DNA didn't match any animal nor human DNA sample. The discussion had to end so Shon went to follow the dealer around.

Before nightfall Shon gathered enough information to know that the dealer is getting his supplies from an old warehouse at the docks. Now that he sneaked inside, it was obvious it wasn't empty. It was full of crates filled with Red Rage pills. As he went further inside, trying to remain unnoticeable, he saw various people putting the crates here and there as they were being told by one very big individual. Said person started sniffing the air like a bloodhound, Shon's instinct told him he would need a distraction fast or else he'll be detected. He noticed one worker having a smoke, it gave him an idea. When he was throwing away the match, Shon made it so that the fire would burn for a longer time. The flaming match landed on the head of another worker, who went berserk and started fighting the other. Their fight caused some of the crates to fall and the floor was quickly filled with pills which made others fall down. Madness ensues as Shon entered an office space. Inside he found some documents about a small shipment of eptifibatide from the New York University Medical Center and a few bank details which showed bribes being given. He planted a fire here too before leaving but was met by an overly large man on fire. With flames and people running away it was hard to get one's head over the situation. Shon didn't even notice as the man blew a column of fire at him from his mouth. A column which refused to harm the Scion. Knowing he won't win, he tried to make his escape by slipping underneath the giant but he was grabbed by the leg and lifted up. He managed to take out his pistol and shot the bastard who released him in a surge of pain. A minute later, Shon was nowhere to be seen.

The night was still young so Shon went ahead to meet the doctor who was listed in the papers he found. It wasn't hard to go unnoticed in the crowd of patients and doctors, soon he found the office of the doctor and entered. She tried to fool him when he asked about the drug but having a gun works great for intimidation. She told him she was taking blood from people with the gigantism condition. They came willingly and it seemed like easy money so she took it. The next batch would be given the next day at midnight. Pleased with the information, Shon hit the woman unconscious and staged a fire coming from her computer. He made his leave with the rest of the evacuating people.

After hearing the news about his latest exploits, he waited for midnight. He was already at the Center, patiently waiting for the people to come to the designated spot. Since the doctor died yesterday, they had to take the blood out by stealth and Shon followed but not before planting a bug on their car. They led him downstairs to the research area where they took a mobile refrigerator, filled it with the blood and went back to the car. After that they met an overly large man in a park whom they gave the box. Shon decided to follow the man to the underground where the fellow jumped on the tracks, went further into the tunnel and disappeared after going through a wall. Naturally, Shon followed and found himself in a room made out of wax, human skulls and skin with the giant about to fill empty pills with the blood. He wasn't happy with the unexpected visitor so he stood up and got shot in the knees by Shon's quick hand. He fell to the ground, tried to grab the Scion but failed as he jumped out of reach. The giant then tried to throw the box at him but likewise failed. He lied there without anything to do but be mad while Shon had some questions he wanted answered.

I'm not overly pleased with how it went. I originally wanted to have a scene where Shon would see what the effects of the drug on people are but he seemed uninterested in investigating that so I went with his wishes.
I also need to thank MrGone who made an awesome Scion Sheet that I had the pleasure to use.

Saturday, 22 December 2007

Reviews I guess...

I should write about something, just to get this blog kicking...

In short, the last two weeks were all about going out to see some old faces, talking about the publishing of my poetry book and fighting battles at home. Cleaning took place so although my room is far from organised, it's definitely less messy and I found some old writings that I thought were lost. I got my sister The Movies which I hope will help her make digital films that she could put on YouTube. For now she only uploaded a short flick of Luna.

I've seen three films thus far this month so since we're on the topic of films, let's talk about them.

A Polish film by Andrzej Wajda. I don't expect anyone of you to be familiar with it since it probably hasn't yet been released outside the country. It tells the story of Katyń where Polish officers were shot in the back of their heads in the nearby forest. During the German occupation it was said the Russians did it while after the war propaganda, Russians said it was the Germans. It focuses on one officer in particular, his family and the family's acquaintances. I found it very moving and it really showed what it means to take pride in one's nation over a forced regime.

This movie is pure awesome! It's funny, wonderful, magical and a lot of other things for which there are no words. Romance, bravado, fantasy, humour... Did I tell you how awesome it is?

Tales of Earthsea
Everyone knows I like animation. I loved Princess Mononoke and although I didn't like Spirited Away, I hoped that this film would be as good as Earthsea. Unfortunately I was quite bored watching it. The setting is great, the animation is lovely, the plot is nice but it's just so boring to watch. I just kept hoping that the next scene will show something cool and breathtaking and that's how I felt when it ended. It's not a bad film, but it's more of a picture than a film, it's nice to look at but not watch.

Black Sheep
This is one of those films that has an excellent trailer but the film itself pales in comparison. The plot is nothing new, an immoral experiment gone wrong by accident and now everyone is doomed! What seemed to be a very good point of the film would be the inclusion of monstrous sheep. That would have given the film a nice mixture of horror and comedy which I love. Unfortunately, the actors don't have enough character in them and the lack of any background music just hurts this film in enormous ways. The special effects aren't over the top so it would be good to build up the mood with some creepy or violent music depending on the given scene, but there is none. What I would expect to be a semi-serious parody of survival horrors ended up being a meh film...

Other than that I was reading the 52 series of DC Comics and watching some One Piece on my own while the evening was spent watching CSI:NY and House with mum.

Christmas cards have been sent to the lucky few because my wallet objected to the idea of sending wishes to everyone. I also noticed I lack a few addresses. I suspect my taking notes off my laptop before giving it in for repairs was too quick...

Wednesday, 19 December 2007

The Animal Archetype Test

Your Score: The Cat

You scored 62% domestic, 12% gregarious, 28% trickster, and 67% intellect!

Domestic, Solitary, Serious, Intelectual: you are the Cat!

Cat represents a balance of strength in both physical and spiritual, psychic and sensual powers, merging these two worlds into one. Curious, intelligent, and physically adept, cat people tend to live in a world all their own.

This test categorized you based on four different axes of personality, which were then associated with a different animal. The four axes, as well as all possible results are explained below.

Wild/Domestic: This first axis categorizes you based on how much you are drawn to the outdoors, versus how much you are drawn to civilized situations. Domesticity has many shapes and forms, and varies from the joy of dolphins leaping next to a ship to the steadfast loyalty of a family dog.

Gregarious/Solitary: This axis measures how solitary you are. If you scored high, it means that you enjoy the company of other people, while a low score indicates that you prefer a more solitary lifestyle.

Trickster/Serious: This axis measures how well you line up with conventional trickster archetypes. People who fall into this archetype have a sense of humor and an excitable, highly chaotic streak. Scoring low doesn't mean that you don't have a sense of humor; it just means that you probably don't think dynamite is very funny.

Intellectual/Emotional: This last axis determines whether you are more emotional -- acting based on feelings and instinct, or rational and intelectual -- acting more on thought than on your gut feelings.

WildGregariousTricksterIntellectualThe Hyena
WildGregariousTricksterEmotionalThe Otter
WildGregariousSeriousIntellectualThe Antelope
WildGregariousSeriousEmotionalThe Wolf
WildSolitaryTricksterIntellectualThe Weasel
WildSolitaryTricksterEmotionalThe Coyote
WildSolitarySeriousIntellectualThe Raven
WildSolitarySeriousEmotionalThe Frog
DomesticGregariousTricksterIntellectualThe Fox
DomesticGregariousTricksterEmotionalThe Dolphin
DomesticGregariousSeriousIntellectualThe Horse
DomesticGregariousSeriousEmotionalThe Dog
DomesticSolitaryTricksterIntellectualThe Rat
DomesticSolitaryTricksterEmotionalThe Ferret
DomesticSolitarySeriousIntellectualThe Cat
DomesticSolitarySeriousEmotionalThe Squirrel

Link: The Animal Archetype Test written by crumpetsfortea on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test

Monday, 17 December 2007

Travel SMASH!!!

I hate travel... there's always something going wrong when I move between countries!

Last week I had to give my laptop for repairs due to a screen issue which needs to be dealt with before I have to write essays. Otherwise I would have trouble passing the semester. Since I was a bit bored I decided to clean my room a bit. Naturally, this caused me to accidentally throw away the notes about my plane. Next thing to do then was to go somewhere with a working internet connection and check if British Airways has some option for me to regain the lost information. Their website didn't help, so my last line of hope was in calling them. Which ended very fast as my phone run out of credit and I had no money to top up! Some of the people I know tried to help me out the next day but British Airways had their line too busy. I would have had to wait more than 15 minutes to talk to someone. On Saturday, before I head over to Heathrow with my dad, we call them again at 6am. Success! The information was given and I was happy to know what plane, time and terminal I had to arrive at.

You'd think that was it for the problems!

Upon arrival in Warsaw I was supposed to wait a few hours for a bus to Białystok. Naturally, after an hour of waiting my mum calls me to tell me the bus was cancelled. Luckily there are still intercity buses working outside the airport so I get into a taxi and head to the bus stop. More than an hour of standing in the cold, the bus just did not come. My last hope in a train, last one leaves in an hour! I get into a tram without a ticket because the ticket shops were all closed by now. Forty minutes later I arrive at the station, locate the ticket boot and get into line. I made it in time! I enter the train and find a secluded place at the back to sit in, then I try to remain awake for 2 hours, remaining vigilant so that nobody steals my stuff!

Finally I managed to arrive at my place of destination.

I hate travel...

Monday, 3 December 2007

DragonMeet 2007

As some of you may already know, Saturday saw DragonMeet held in London. Much like the previous year, I went there to meet a lot of other people. This time around, our group was larger by two more. Mainly Mithras and AfroHead, a player from Saint Christopher's Orphanage for Lost Children. Including me, Insane Prophet, Deoq and Revamp there were six of us in total.

Luckily, this year I turned up on time. Having learned my lesson, I checked when the trains arrive at Victoria before going to the train station. In this way I turned up on time (after covering 3 miles in 40 minutes with my feet!) although I had some confusion as Revamp called me when I was about to get off and wasn't sure what he was saying. It's funny that way, I always seem to have trouble talking over the phone... Anyway! It appeared he called to tell me he would be late, which none of us was surprised to learn. Then after some texting, I found the rest of the group! For a moment, I thought AfroHead was Revamp. This is proof showing how bad my mind can be at times!

Next on the schedule was the trip to Kensington. Unfortunately, the queue in the Underground was too big for us to stand there. But hope was given in the form of Deoq's leadership skills which brought us to an appropriate bus stop. In the bus I learned that Mithras didn't expect my voice to be that deep... thus we arrived at DragonMeet 2007! (Where Revamp was already waiting for us, and he looked good, I can tell you that!)

It was excellent. I found a neat software called Campaign Cartographer 3, it would do wonders for my online games, especially for United We Stand which needs maps on a regular basis. I've wanted to pick up Winter Masques so I had something to add to Lost in Miami (especially considering the players asked) but it was sold out before I got the chance. Thus I ended up buying Changing Breeds and Oadenol's Codex. Excellent books I must say, Changing Breeds makes me want to have a one-on-one as a shifter. As for the latter, it's Exalted so it not only helps fleshing out the world in my other game but I just like Exalted very much. I've also bought Game Night by Jonny Nexus, although I promised myself not to buy any more books before I read those that I have already. But!!!! The contract has a clause which makes an exception for signed literary works! Lastly, there was this big Star Wars figure that I bought for Insane Prophet because I am still grateful for him giving me Vampire The Requiem for Christmas last year...

We played Warhammer this year. Although there was some interest for Scion in the group, the places were up after we got back from our eating break at the church bench! The game was quite good, very investigative but it confused me a lot. Unfortunately, I was the Sergeant so it was quite bothersome. It was all my fault, I'm just unused to making notes whilst gaming but at least I didn't keep falling asleep like Revamp! Really, it was a pleasurable game and I was far more active and less shy than the previous year. I'm doing progress!

Such fine sessions only make me regret the fact I don't have a job. If I had some disposable income, I'm sure I could budget myself in a way that would allow for planned bi-weekly trips to London for gaming with the Londoners. I could even storytell some Scion or Exalted for them if they so wished. I even have an idea, since there were empty tables at DragonMeet, I think it might be in the realms of possibility to storytell a game for the rest during next year's convention. Though I might gather an even larger crowd by then so Insane Prophet and I might have to split them into two groups or just have a few go check out some other games.

The day ended with most of us being forced to take free dice! With shouted proclamations of freedom and which of our pockets were not full we jumped on them like wild beasts! I ended up bringing 140 dice with me... and I bought my first dice bag earlier!

Once again, another convention well spent!

Sunday, 25 November 2007

Long Time no Post

I'm amazed, it's been getting increasingly busier for me with each passing second. I have to admit that I kinda like it since I always been the organising type.
Now, what have I been doing?

Naturally, tending to my 3 online games and having this idea for a Scion game but I'm afraid I just won't have time for now. I'm happy with how Lost in Miami is turning out and am a bit worried about United We Stand, as for St Christopher's Orphanage, it's only natural that it goes slow as most of the players have to deal with university applications if my memory serves right.

Another RPG related stuff is me writing up an NPC (Seven might remember it from the MSN game we had a long, long time ago...) for Oneiros and now I need to modify my Cyberian Lineage Version-PL so it actually is in Polish. Apparently, I'm better in English than in my primary language. From now on I'll be writing in Polish and then translating things into English, that way it should be a purer version of Polish and I won't look like such an idiot. I had to write a review of World of Darkness too and I have to say that I hate writing reviews. I wrote one but apparently it needs to be made differently so back to the drawing board!
I normally would not write something I don't like writing, but as long as I get a Free Book, I'm willing to go the extra mile.
Since I started talking about my texts and what mistakes are being done, I have to wonder time and time again why the person behind Oneiros asked me to join... doesn't make sense...
I would like to take the time to thank Wyrm for the editing he did of my Cyberian Lineage. Even though I am competent with the spelling, proof-reading of your own work doesn't give the same results as doing the same to someone's else.

Since we are on the topic of writing, I don't think I can participate in NaNoWriMo this year. I'm just too annoyed with the so called tips people are giving. I know it's about word count, but even though I'm not the best writer on the planet, I am not going to actively try and write just for words. I will write the way that I know is best even though it might not be a universal excellence. Even failure of not reaching the 50k word count is nothing compared to producing a novel I would know people would not like. I am critical of my work, everyone knows I'm never satisfied with my work so I try to take it to the next step all the time and I cannot change that in any way. Either I'm going to write a good piece of fiction or none at all.

Naturally, I told a few of you that I will let everyone read what I created for this month. Unfortunately, since that's not happening, I have a different solution. Once a month I will send out an email to interested individuals. It will contain an attached .doc file with a short description of what's the piece about. That way, if you don't like a particular subject, you can just not read it and anything that might interest you will be open for perusal. Much like Wyrm's Sunday Music but for the literate! It will most certainly contain such things as poetry, novel chapters, short scene descriptions (something like a cool scene idea intended for practice), stories, rpg-related fiction, etc. All coming out of the depths of my dark and twisted mind.
Yes, there will be some pr0n in there too!

On Thursday I have the Open Mic Night at our University. Naturally, as I did get one of the highest poetry entry scores last year, I'm expected to come and defend the title. Now I'm heading to the stage where I'm not following the standard but creating it!
Still, the prospect of reading it aloud petrifies me...

Lastly, it's less than a week before I go to London and see such fine individuals as Deoq, Insane Prophet and Revamp. Thus hitting DragonMeet 2007!

Saturday, 10 November 2007

So, I wanted this entry to be a show off post of me allowing you to behold my lovely presents but as I came downstairs this morning...

My mug, my lovely new birthday mug was on the shelf! I was looking around, trying to remember where I must have put it when the terrible thought of someone throwing it away entered my mind. However first I had to make sure it's not everywhere, the next moment I was standing in the living room with a mixed feeling of relief and annoyance... My mug has endured a full week of shelf standing and now it has been used by someone who wasn't me and left to its own demise in the living room, on the table, dirty... it's evening now and it's still there! I could clean it but that would only make them more susceptible to using my stuff with the notion I'll clean them myself.
What's even worse is that it's quite clear that the mug belongs to someone, it doesn't even have the shape of the communal mugs, nor their colours and it stood there with a dozen of them but NO! they had to use mine...
I can understand not knowing who such a thing belongs to, but it should be quite clear to the person who drank from it that it didn't belong to him...

I think I will soon take my stuff upstairs and hold them here, even though it would require me to explain that this and that is mine by right of purchasing the stuff. Of course they might then throw a fit about me being unable to prove any of my claims...

Monday, 5 November 2007

20 Years Ago

A snowstorm was raging in Białystok, a man who didn't know he just became a father drove to arrive for his son's birth, when a baby scream was filling a hospital. That was then... this is now...

Somehow, this day of the year is better than the previous ones. I have finally been given a present from my mother that isn't money. Four popular science magazines and a 2008 hanging calendar with kittens!

Now I'm waiting for the time to pass, a friend is picking me up and we're going by car to see another friend in a restaurant for my birthday. I have no idea if they will or won't get me anything because the discussion about it went back and forth, but considering I already got 30 books from one, I don't expect anything more. It's already enough they want to spend the day with me...

Monday, 29 October 2007

An Update of Sorts...

Instead of posting to my RPoL games I'm now going to proceed with reviving this blog.

Aside from most of the books I read aren't dealing with mood and modality which seem to be incorporated into our essay subjects as part of this semester assignments, not much happened.

The Lost in Miami game turned out to be a big success, with nearly 20 players! I'm having fun over there so it's all good. I've also finished translating my Sarmatae Bloodline into Polish for World of Darkness Azylum, although it's not yet published. Now I'll proceed to detail my Ghost Guides Legacy. As a side project I'm reviewing Scion: Hero as I read it, which should make Insane Prophet happy and maybe, just maybe, it will be an worthy review.

Apparently, all the household bills will now go through me which means I'll have to knock on other people's doors every month and demand a tithe to pay!

Everyone is preparing for Halloween and I'm just wondering if I should go to a cemetery on the day of the dead, sit on a bench and drink some tea after my lectures. It would help if I knew where a good cemetery is here in Brighton.

I most likely have to compile my poems into a file and send them all to my library, asking for that translation work they said they'd have for me and seeing if that would be enough for publishing purposes. Naturally, I'm a bit stressed about it since it would be my début...

I have recently received about 30 books from a friend. Her neighbour put them in a box outside so that whoever is interested can take them and she took 30 for me. Nice ones, The Wheel of Time series, four Sharpe's books and a bunch of others. My full library is of course on LibraryThing!

November is looming and with it NaNoWriMo... I'd like to test my skillz with it. I already have an idea and plan in my mind worked out but it's not going to be Kung-Fu Jesus because that's too awesome to spoil with zero preparations.

My teen years will end this week...

Monday, 15 October 2007


You Are 73% Non Conformist

You are a pretty serious non conformist. You live a life hardly anyone understands.
And while some may call you a freak, you're happy with who you are.

Go Gandalf!!!

Which LOTR character are you?
created with
You scored as Gandalf

You are Gandalf! This wise, old mage is loyal and brave. He is known for his counsel and advice to his friends and allies during tough times.
"All you have to do is decide what to do with the time that is given to you."



















Sunday, 14 October 2007

Online Game

How warm it must be
for Summer to rule
over scorched land
and the boiling sea

With Spring exiled
Autumn in fear
and Winter hidden
Will the Summer
ever end?

Shall Anger rule
in the streets
and hearts
until nothing's left
but false souls?

What will you do
when They come
for you...

The Freehold of Miami is in a difficult position.
Grandfather Thunder, the Summer King, has taken control over the city in a coup, banishing the Spring Queen, defeating the Autumn Court and making a truce with Winter. Although he claims the city's affinity for Summer will create a stronger barrier against the True Fae than the cycle of seasons, since the disruption, the number of missing people rose significantly.
Could this be a coincidence or are the Others really coming?
The fae are getting nervous. Many people talk, rumors are being spread out. Some fear another war among their kind but the rest fears the Others even more than death.
Are you going to fight or will you wait patiently for your Keeper to come take you back... home?

Lost in Miami

Note: You will need to have an account on RPoL to participate in the game...

Saturday, 13 October 2007

Vampir in Waiting

December for DragonMeet and January for Examination Week... fun... I normally wouldn't be worried about the examinations but there's one subject which I just can't stand, because of the tutor. Apparently I plagiarised my essay, not giving proper references and stuff... naturally, I'd go meet with the tutor and discuss the issue so it doesn't happen again, since I don't want to take responsibility for something I'm not doing and is apparent because my style of writing can be very academic... my friend even told me that when I explain things, it sounds like I'm giving dictionary definitions... but of course, this particular tutor just doesn't shut her mouth, which means that anything I'll ask her about, she'll bring it in front of everyone... even now she is plain rude to me and my friends, telling us "I hope you'll make 3 different essays" because their essays were too similar to each other... and I'm included because they are the ones I can relate to the most... "relate" in my case means we work together during class... we go out sometimes, but not as much as some people... yes, I think it's highly rude of a tutor to bring up personal things about a person to the public because the tutor is bored...

Another thing I don't like about her is how she makes assumptions about people. She accused me of not taking any books from the library because I don't remember the names of 2 books taken out the other day... There are people on the course who I don't remember their names, and I sit with them for a year now... I'm just not good at remembering names... way too abstract...

Aside from that little rant, I made a catalog of my books...

Before I forget, I'm also waiting for Oneiros to start, which shall be a World of Darkness website run by the head translator of that line for the Polish market. It's going to be in two languages, so you can visit it sometimes...
Especially since I'm in the writing team for it! I didn't even ask, I just got an email asking if I want to join... naturally, I accepted and there I am... if you ever written anything World of Darkness related and put it on the internet, I will ask about translating rights just so it can be put there, thus bringing more joy to the community at large!

I'll probably should translate that Sarmatae Bloodline, write up a Ghost Guides Legacy and that Promethean write-up I was asked to do over at a World of Darkness Azylum site...

Sunday, 30 September 2007

Return of Me

This was a very long and tiring month, apparently, it's not going to slow down now that university started. Here is the gist of what's been going on...

The Visit
As you may know, my parents visited me before I left for Poland. We went to Stonehenge, where I had to translate from an audio guide and after going round the rocks, we were slightly disappointed... then we tried to visit Legoland Windsor but the prices killed that idea so we ended up near Buckingham palace.
Of course, after being nearly done visiting, my housemate (who moved out months ago) calls me and asks me why are my parents staying in his empty room. Apparently, he had in plans having his friends over in a house he doesn't live in any more!
My parents weren't happy with the turn of events, but we got back and they left. They had in mind staying for one more night before leaving so I was a bit afraid about my dad driving across England instead of sleeping. But when I woke up in the morning, they were fine.

I have to say I was very proud of my sister when I revealed the sun behind the curtains one morning and she used her arms to cover her face and hissed... that was so sweet!

Invading London
My cunning plan was perfect! Spend money for tickets to London under the guise of buying shoes for my sister and meet up with Insane Prophet and Revamp. It was fun, plain and simple, and I managed to get a copy of Scion: Hero. When we were in the RPG Store, I said about a possibility for me to translate RPG books and I was shocked when Insane Prophet said "You're not only able to do it, but you will do it right." or something like that. I felt extremely flattered and didn't know what to say, and I still don't know... It was a day well spent.

Busy, Busy, Busy!
After getting back to what was supposed to be a relaxing month, a prospect of joining the team translating Legend of the Five Rings came up. Since I was a bit bitter about not getting into the World of Darkness team, I took the job.
10 pages a day is really hard work... especially considering I was still active in the local literary community. Visited a few authors, talked a bit more about publishing my own poetry volume and went to the theatre under recommendation. A very nice spectacle, but since it was about Wyspiański, you probably won't understand a thing if I start talking about it.

Meanwhile, the Head Translator for World of Darkness invited me to join his in-the-works webservice about the game. After being done with the translation, I quickly translated my Cyberians write-up and he did like it!
So now I'm in two WoD webservices...

Naturally, my sister watched a lot of Heroes while I was there, some episodes with me, some without. While I watched the whole Samurai 7 series as a way to get into the mood of translating. (My excuse is extraordinary!)

Back to the Future
I like travelling but I hate getting from Place A to Place B. The places are fine, but the "getting to" is horrible. Something always goes wrong. This time I had to be stupid enough to use the wrong PIN with my card so I was stranded on the airport and if it wasn't for a friend, I would be stuck there... Thankfully, she greatly helped me out and I managed to get back here. I guess I deserved the 5 hours I had to wait in Luton.

There are new housemates in the house, I met two of them already and they seem fine. It shouldn't be hard to survive this year, even considering it's my second and it's going to be harder. Although, last year was quite easy and boring.

Apparently, the university's online database has me as a Literature student... this needs corrections!

Wednesday, 5 September 2007

Lack of Time

Why is it that when there is a lot to write about there just doesn't seem to be enough time for it... this is my excuse for why I might disappear from the net soon and why such a late and short update...

Friday - mother and sister arrive, me and a Czech friend (her car) went to pick them up
Saturday - dad arrives, we go visit Brighton
Sunday - we go see Stonehenge and London, due to housemate trouble, they had to leave at 22:00
Monday - Bank holiday, me and sister sat at home and spent the time being siblings!
Tuesday - we go search through Brighton shops
Wednesday - Czech friend comes to take us to a Polish friend, we talked all four about stuff and relaxed, ended the day with searching through Eastbourne shops
Thursday - we stayed at home and were siblings again!
Friday - we went to London to meet Insane Prophet and Revamp, I bought Scion: Hero
Saturday - we were siblings again (sister was recovering from bad feet-pain), parents arrive late in the evening
Sunday - early in the morning dad takes us all to the airport, noon spent flying, rest of day on the road to Białystok
Monday - spent on being with mum and seeing grandpa for a moment
Tuesday - search for books for my sister high school and regaining my sleep pattern which was drained of hours last week
Wednesday - I make talks about a translation job

Right now I am contracted to translate 120 pages of Legends of the Five Rings for the Polish market. I have 2 weeks to be done with it, thus I shall be busy once more...

Thursday, 16 August 2007


The strangest thing happened to me yesterday. Since the day before, my right middle finger hurt every time I touched something with its tip. The next day I noticed there was a red area reaching from the fingernail up to where the finger has a joint. What was even more peculiar was the fact a small part of skin next to the nail turned a weird colour, something between sickly green and yellow. Thus I did what every sensible youth would do, I got a needle and poked my finger.

I noticed the red area had increased in sensitivity, but the blood was normal. However, when I poked the yellowish area, the first layer of skin was utterly dead and when I took the needle out, a yellow substance oozed from beneath. My curiosity has increased and if I had a way to preserve the substance, I'd probably look at it through a microscope. But my tools were left at my mother's place. I had to remove the substance, after which I proceeded to make tiny holes at the edges of the dead skin in order to remove it. It has healed nicely overnight.

I couldn't sleep this night. I went to bed at my normal time and slept for 3:30 hours before I woke up and couldn't fall asleep. Thus I opened the laptop and posted some stuff on the White Wolf forum. When I felt sufficiently tired, I went back to sleep, but I only managed to sleep for 2 hours before waking up because of the heat. I thought "screw you, warmth!", took out my laptop, posted on White Wolf and Shadownessence, talked to Weregoat and Exmiscellanea (who bashed me with a ton of books to get) while finishing up the Bloodline.

The Sarmatae Bloodline can be found on the White Wolf Vampire The Requiem Forum, on Shadownessence Vampire The Requiem Forum and on my website, if you want to check it out. It's the first Bloodline I wrote so don't expect much, it doesn't even have a unique Discipline because I just don't think it is necessary. It's probably going to go unnoticed, but I posted it there anyway...

I have finished reading Bitten. It is a very sexy werewolf novel, and I learned a new word "(his) hardness". Now I'm still waiting for Changeling: The Lost, which apparently wasn't yet shipped to me! Irritating this is. I'll use the time I intended for reading the book today to either proceed with proof-reading The Rotten Apple or thinking up stuff for that Ghost Guide Legacy. Now I have to hope that none published material had a Legacy of Mages which was based on the old custom of giving ghost a means to move on.

On the good side, I received letter of confirmation that my 2007/2008 tuition fees shall be paid, so I have another year of studying to look forward to. At the same time, I'm a bit afraid it's going to be more demanding than the first, but am glad that there won't be such a focus on parties.

Ninja Kitten Approach!!!
You wanna piece of meow?
This is my land...
Yo, whatcha mean some got the catnip?

I really hope I won't fall asleep during the day...

Sunday, 12 August 2007

Here be Kittens!

Life's a bit slow lately. I just keep on waiting for everything.
16th - Changeling: The Lost release
25th - Sister visits
2nd - Trip onto the farm
For now I won't be looking for work since I'll just be unable to attend if I find one, but I'll resume as the academic year starts. Most of the day I just sit in my little room and read.

I've began to make initial research into a Bloodline idea I had lying around for ages. Basically, it's a Ventrue Bloodline called Sarmatae which is obsessed with their superiority over others due to lineage and physical prowess. Not going to make a custom Discipline, they'll just get Vigor, there's enough Disciplines out there already. Cool powers isn't what a Bloodline is about. I'm not all that familiar with Bloodlines in general, but it's going to be a localised Slavic Bloodline, so I don't think I'll have to worry about writing something that's already been written.

I've also finally started working on proof-reading the Rotten Apple and am 9% done. Which isn't that low considering all the text in Times New Roman size 12 is 75 pages long. I've told Deimos_Masque in March I'll do it, and am a bit embarrassed that I've only managed to get over with everything to do this now. I can only hope he'll forgive me...

My sister has been sending me some pictures from the farm (kittens specifically), and Seven demanded them to be posted. Thus over the days I'll slowly reveal the pictures... which I have 27. Here are the first five. They have been edited to just show the cats and sized down so it won't be so hard to see like that car I posted a while ago.
The cats are eating

A closer look at hungry cats

Grandmother cat is not pleased with spying on their meal

Spotty (Pieguska) sees you!

Purr (Mruczka) wants some attention too!

Friday, 10 August 2007

In the lands of RPG

It's getting closer and closer to the première of THE NEW WORLD OF DARKNESS GAME!!!! Otherwise known as Changeling: The Lost. For some reason, I am given signs that setting up a game would be good. So I'm toying with the idea a bit. Now, in the Beowulf panel at Comic-Con, Neil Gaiman mentioned this concept of the so-called bullshit cast, which is basically the writers saying who would play what without thinking if those actors would even want to. So I'm thinking I'll do the same, here and now, for the game. I'll just list a nickname and why I'd like this particular person in a game storytold by yours truly.
Before I start, I'd like you to know that if I don't mention you, that only means I either don't know you as a player well enough to make a judgement or I have significant reasons to believe you wouldn't be interested or not having enough time on your hands.

Changeling: The Lost BS Cast
in alphabetical order

AfroHead - Although a beginner, he posts like a veteran roleplayer and is a regular poster.
AstraKiseki - This woman posts with a maddening speed, and I'm quite pleased with her characters (notice the plural) in United We Stand.
Deoq - No Changeling game is complete without the butterfly-man. He would probably make something weird and fun for a character. He also writes excellent posts.
Etu - Posts regularly, very well written and able to keep up with me and Astra if needed, which is an epic feat in and of itself.
Revamp - Much like Deoq, he is imaginative and writes the longest posts possible... leads me to believe he is not fully human...
Weregoat - It's his fault that I am even considering this game. He is a stable player and would probably introduce some brutish but interesting character into the mix, and together with Revamp they'd make kinky bonus material for the game.
Kitin - Posts regularly and hasn't made me regret allowing her into the Orphanage game, imaginative and well-written posts and enough room to be mean to her character, causing emotional trauma!
Wyrm - If you don't know why, you should be ashamed of yourself! The mere presence of this man raises the whole coolness factor!

and since we are on the subject of roleplaying. I made some updates to my webpage recently.
I've made two characters while I was offline, Paul Miller (Mekhet Lancea Sanctum) and John Smith (Scion of Odin), and I've revised Gustaw (Ulgan), changing him from Cuprum to Argentum, mostly because he was made before the publication of the Refinement, and it suits him better.
As far as my webpage goes, I'm considering making something of an email subscription for those who'd be interested. This way you'll be able to keep up with all the things I do there (which aren't always rpg related, as seen by the recent Quotes update) and I hope it would motivate me to write some more fiction. I know some of you actually like my stories...

Wednesday, 8 August 2007

I live!!!

Life can be quite complex at times. So I'll try to break this entry into categories, because I feel like it.

I have recently found myself in a tricky position. The internet connection was shut down and for half a month I had no way to be online at my usual times. Which meant that I was out of the circulation and had to use the time in a different fashion, but on that later, let's talk about cooking first!

I found out that I love cooking. This sounds very lame considering that the most I cook is chop, fry and add sauce, I'd rather have some more complicated things but money and time don't allow for it. What would be really great is if I had someone to cook for, as is, I'm looking forward to my sister's visit and am thinking of what things to cook. I'll probably try that thing Harry did for MJ in Spider-Man 3, looked real nice. Cooking for myself is just not as awarding. My tastes are quite limited, especially when it comes to meat so most of the stuff I make is various chicken breast dishes (mostly with rice). My cooking must look weird since I hate the feeling of sticky liquids on my hands. I always use just the index finger, the middle finger and the thumb of my left hand to hold a breast as I cut it, carefully watching not to touch it more than I need to and washing it immediately after I'm finished. It might be a slight Obsessive Compulsive Disorder of mine, but at least it's not like I wash my hands seven times a day... I saw a documentary on such people and their skin literally cracks...

I stumbled upon an article detailing three aspects of a relationship. Sex (the physical act of copulation), Erotica (the sensual pleasures of the flesh) and Love (the more esoteric and emotional state of being with someone). After reading it, I think a lot of my issues spring from the fact that I am looking for Love in a relationship, while I feel as if all is about Erotica primarily... The article is not in a language you'd understand.

My mother and my sister bought tickets and shall be arriving here at the end of this month. My mom will probably be picked up by dad who'll come down and might stay for a night, while my sister will stay with me for a week and a half. Which should be interesting, we plan on drawing, cooking, shopping and playing turn-based strategies (Heroes IV and Civilizations IV) together. Right now she keeps sending me photos of all the new kittens on my grandpa's farm.

We had a bit of a scare with my grandpa. He felt significantly weak these past few days. Of course he is old but for someone who can get himself dead drunk and still walk a few kilometres through knee deep snow in the middle of the night on his knees... him feeling weak is not a good thing, but I called him and that cheered him up. I suspect he is just being depressed by the fact I'm not on the farm...

I find it hard to befriend people, but there are a few instances where it is really worth it. I know I'm bad at keeping contact, but truth is, I just don't have enough things happening in life to make weekly updates.

I have emailed everyone, so if you didn't receive an email, something is wrong with your account (I'm looking at you, Seven!!!). It took me a while, 37 emails is a major feat, and most of the subjects where crappy ones like "hello", "hi" and the sort, but it's not like I made one big email and sent it to everyone...

Thanks for everything guys and gals.

I've recently got word from Książnica Podlaska (my home library-publisher) that Mr Mieczysław Czajkowski really liked the translations of poems I made for him and wants to publish them. He first needs to find a sponsor, so we shall see if I get my name in yet another book.

Speaking of books, I have a hard time writing recently. Not that I don't have any ideas, I've got plenty and the more I think about a concept, the more subplots my mind adds. However, for some reason, I don't feel like writing prose lately. On top of that, I decided not to write poetry about love. I looked through my old ones, and it just seems like I'm some kind of masochist... lots of pain and angst and stuff... I shouldn't drag myself down like that. Thus even though ideas come, I discard them because of their topic.

I've recently spoken with Wyrm in German over ICQ and my German is horrible. I need to seriously learn the language. That way I can at least try for a teaching position in England. Which would give me enough money to live and by saving some, I'd be able to publish a book. Of course, I won't publish it in Britain, but I only need money to publish it in Poland. I can do it either in Polish and let it roam free or print a bunch in English, bring them back and start selling them on eBay or some such. (This is why people think of me as a planner, I just can't help myself but to make plans...)

I'm done reading The Vampire Lestat by Anne Rice and started to go through Bitten by Kelley Armstrong. Before continuing, I shall take a moment to do the following:

Magnificent Seven, although being a man of the written word, I find myself at a lack to describe the gratitude emanating from my bleeding heart for this gift you've chosen for my birthday, nearly two years ago. I loved the book and remain in your eternal debt.
(not payable by Mastercard, Maestro or Visa)

Ah, how I love to read such books. Very sensual and vivid, even though I have mixed feelings about the sex scenes in Bitten, I still like it overall.

Not many of you heard, but there will be a new Transformers cartoon. I think it's cool, most people think the style is awful and that it's going to suck. Then again, people always say that about new things. The only thing I was worried about is how they will make toys for this cartoon with those designs!? The panel at Comic-Con showed the prototypes of some and finished products of others and they look great. Soundwave turns into come kind of van-like car and has a guitar! That made me laugh... I'm really starting to like it but it comes out next year, so there's half of this one to go through with.

Other than that, I'm watching three ongoing Anime at the moment. Bleach is in filler stages, which is annoying but Naruto Hurrican Chronicles finally had the fight with Sasori and it's excellent, much better than Deidara vs Gaara. D.Gray-Man is going nicely, a bit slow but the plot thickens...

No internet meant I had loads of time to watch series. So I finished what I had of Painkiller Jane and Raines. The first season of Ghost Whisperer and the first two seasons of Medium. Excellent stuff to watch but I quickly ran out of my stash so I finally picked up Prison Break, I have to say that from what I heard I expected something better, but I really like the whole portrayal of the prison environment.

I had one of those "you live only once" moments, so I bought Barricade, from the Transformers Movie which I haven't yet seen. The toy is excellent, I really like how the car and robot modes look and am impressed with the transformation sequence. It took me a while to get it right, to know what are the limits of all the joints without smashing them, it's crucial that you are gentle with these things, the paint on the sides (the words POLICE) are already peeling off. The transformation from robot to car is a bit tricky at the end. You have to put everything in just the right place and put enough pressure on the whole back to make it click and then it is excellent. It's hard because I don't want to break it!

It's only a few more days for my pre-ordered copy of Changeling: The Lost to arrive. If it's cool enough, I might take that proposal from Weregoat and Rabbitpurr to set up a game on RPoL for them.

Speaking of which, the Orphanage game is going through the hiatus, apparently Deoq and another player are outside the internet range, while a third one is MIA.

United We Stand game is doing extremely well. One player said he'll be slower but right now he is in a solo thread with the rest being scattered around the Hundred Kingdoms doing some quests worthy of heroes. Our First Lunar NPC Solar Bonded to one PC has finally made an appearance, the Dawn is going travelling through the towns to make an army, while the rest is very close to fighting some demon kittens!

I've recently started a Werewolf: The Forsaken game in Polish, but one player seems to be ignoring it although he said he would post, without him it's down to two players, which is kinda bad. I'll have to hunt him down now...

Sunday, 5 August 2007

I think I should read this book...

You're The Giver!

by Lois Lowry

While you grew up with a sheltered childhood, you're pretty sure everyone around you is even more sheltered. Suddenly, from out of nowhere, you were tapped on the shoulder and transported to the real world. This made you horrified by your prior upbringing and now you're tormented by how to reconcile these two lives. Ultimately, the struggle comes down to that old free will issue. Choose wisely.

Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

Thursday, 12 July 2007

Faith, Belief, Religion and stuff

Today I shall be posting something that not all might accept and can potentially offend the living hell out of some... but the recent happenings at Seven's made me think, and as we all know, my thoughts can be twisted, controversial and repulsive to the mainstream population wanting to live in ignorance.

If anyone asked me, I'd consider myself a religious person. However, I hardly pray and go to church. Some people say that you can't be a religious person without being a practising person, in those moments I am reminded of Tartuffe by Molière. I don't have a cross or anything that would show I follow a certain faith but I always carry with me the icon of Saint Christopher, and yet, most people don't even know I have it. I don't like to show off my faith, not because I am ashamed of it, I'll tell anyone that I'm orthodox if they either ask or make a false assumption but I don't find it important to make others know what is the religion I follow. It's a personal thing, so I see little point in proclaiming it to the whole wide world on every occasion. That being said, I don't mind talking about it if people are willing to listen.

People who know me are most likely aware of me not liking Catholicism. This dislike comes from how John Paul II (Jan Paweł II) was seen in Poland, which is a highly Catholic country. For those of you who don't know, Orthodoxia doesn't have a Pope or any similar figure, the head of the church is Jesus, though we do have bishops who take care of specific areas. The problem with the Pope is that dogmatically he is not only the head of the church, but also the one who rules in stead of Christ. The Trinity dictates that God is Christ and Christ is God. Those two facts put together mean that the Pope is Divine, which is against the First Commandment. All would be well if not for the fact how true this applied to the Polish community where I was raised. No matter how much people denied it, it seemed they worshipped John Paul II more than anything else. There was one incident after his death where a congregation wanted a new priest because their current one threw out the Pope's image when people were praying to him... I personally think the priest had the right to do just that because the Pope is not the centre of Christianity.

Another thing is atheism, which is the belief in the non-existence of God (term used for simplicity's sake). I have encountered people who felt it insulting to call atheism a belief, which was quite awkward for me as I wasn't insulted by them thinking me a human (my opinion towards humanity is quite low). I suspect that such people think they know there is no God, yet I don't see how this can be true. Not just because I believe otherwise, but rather that I see a misconception of knowledge versus belief. In the film Constantine (2005), Gabriel told Constantine that in order to go to heaven he needs to believe in God. Constantine, enraged, said that he does, to which Gabriel had to point out he knows God exists as opposed to believing. Atheists have no greater knowledge of God than people of faith, so their knowledge is in actuality a belief.

Humans have the inherent tendency to believe, what that belief is can be anything, from a simple belief that you locked your door although you might not remember it for sure to believing in your spouse's faithfulness even when they go on trips without telling you why. As such, I cannot see how an atheist could be a person of no-belief, as that would deem such a person less human.

Having said that, I don't have enough experience with other religions to make a statement, neither would I say the things I write are true (they are just mad ramblings!). I don't even base an opinion depending on someone's belief, I am in equal measure friends and enemies with Catholics and Atheists alike...

Last thing I would like to say is how some people try to show how the concept of God doesn't follow logic. Since God is supposed to be omnipotent, omniscient, omnipresent and omnieverything, there can be very paradoxical questions derived from those notions. Then again, I don't see how anyone could expect God to follow the same rules as humanity. After all, none of us expects ants to have the same dress-code and table manners as human society, yet we can't accept the same for a being which is supposed to be higher than us just like ants are below. If God was to follow the same rules as people, he wouldn't be a God but a human just like everyone else. A simple solution for this is the fact that the aforementioned rules aren't just for humans but are universal, every object and being follows them as long as they are in this world. Which in turn would mean that God has a physical body and inhabits the same universe as we do, basically, that would mean we were created by an alien... that however would clash with the omnipresence. Religions tend to follow the concept of God's insubstantial nature and we don't know what rules are governing such a state. Saying that only certain rules would apply to God, brings the question of which rules are those and what criteria have to be taken into consideration.

The 9th Doctor said in Parting of the Ways (2) that absorbing the Time Vortex would change a Time Lord into a God and as seen in Last of the Time Lords, Time Lords can create paradoxes, so God shouldn't have a problem with it...

Sunday, 1 July 2007

This is I speaking!

Have you ever had this sort of day where you just couldn't be bothered doing anything at all? If yes, you should be familiar with how my life currently looks like. Since I was unable to find a job I just kept having most of my time spent on doing nothing... I can't even concentrate on writing, watching shows or reading, this is how bored I am... I'll try to escape from my confinement tomorrow.

For once in my life, I want to have a week without any relationship related stuff. I just noticed that most of my poems are just about love, and that begins to disgust me even more. I want to go out without seeing pairs strolling around, I want to read a book without a lovely relationship somewhere inside, I want to watch a series without people going at each other with raging hormones. I feel like my emotional part is dying out, which is bad as that is where my inspirations come from most of the time. Even posts to forum games become harder to come by, while normally I write with the speed of wind...

My sister plans on coming round here to England. I hope I won't be forced to look for a place to live in July, which I am slightly worried about, but of course I was told not to. This comes from the simple fact that a sign saying "auction" is right out the door-step of this house, but the landlord who said he will give loads of notice if he decides to sell the house did not call any of the people living here. Thus one can only hope for the best.

Dad is still nagging me about going back to Poland because I couldn't find a job and am not doing anything as such. What he fails to see is that when I'll be in Poland I won't be doing much either and hey, maybe when I'll come back I'll be homeless and have my stuff thrown out on the streets. It's just annoying how much you can say NO without any effect on those who ask. It's like years ago when parents asked Krzyś what he would like for dinner and gave him what they thought he would like without giving any consideration to what he actually said... annoying... really annoying... not only that, but he suggests for me to try working in the company from last year. Let's see, work in a place where you mostly hear insults thrown your way on and off work and live with your father likely to get mad at you for him not listening to what I am saying or stay here and eat a sandwich a day... I'll take the sandwich.

Anyway, he bought a Peugeot 2006 for mum.

Saturday, 23 June 2007

The Googles! They do nothing!

I'm starting to get really sick with how the internet works. It's as if you can't do anything without violation, insult or something similar. You can't give a link to an episode because that's piracy, you can't modify the setting because it's a crime, you can't say you like a drawing because it's not constructive criticism and as such doesn't lead to artistic improvement, neither can you enjoy something that most don't because that's just not right, you can't talk about a series because someone might not have seen it and you'd be spoiling it, you can't like a game without being in the wrong... I think I should just give internet-community a rest...

Still no job. I've booked an appointment with the Careers Centre at my university, maybe they'll help. I don't know what is it about me that no one wants to even interview me, I'm getting tired of walking to the town centre for no reason. Picking the Friday-Ad and looking blankly at things I'm unable to do. It's frustrating that I spent years educating myself and I have nothing, absolutely nothing out of it. No skill, no experience, no nothing...

I've got an unrefined idea for a poem. I'm trying to come up with more of them as time goes since I really do want to have that publication and without a good amount of them, it won't happen. Maybe I should try and write a novel for once, at least I've got ideas and the ability to write (sucks about not being able to speak) and maybe one day I'll be able to publish one...

I've just deleted all of my subscriptions, so my nerves should come down a bit. No more posting for me, at least until I get over it... that or I find a life of my own. Though this will have no effect on my RPoL proceedings.

The Orphanage game is going well, a few more months and it will be a year since it started. Now the group just got back to the court in order to clear Herbert's name (played by Deoq) and save everyone overall.
The Exalted game goes extremely well, my players seem to be avid posters and I hope they are liking the plot. I even bought The White and Black Treatise and Scroll of the Monk to enhance the game as a whole.
This may sound a bit emo, but I think that these games really are things I enjoy the most.
The Mage: The Awakening game died because the players have some pressing issues in real life, while my Thallain game seems like it's not going to start at all.

Okay, The Sound of Drums was definitely a better Doctor Who episode than Utopia!

I've updated my website a bit. I've stated up Bones as a player character, a certain Wench might recall him from a game that took place over a year ago. Other than that, there's a knowledge-train magath in the NPC section and some minor fixes, most of them of the "behind the scenes" category.

What else? What else? What else?
Dunno. I've been going through an internal storm I think, I'm still a bit angry about the whole situation. By 'situation' I mean my inability to find a job and a prospect of being homeless if my landlord decides to sell this house. Also, I might be going home for a while and the prospect of it isn't something I'm looking forward to, even with the whole pressure on my family's part.
I think I should change some things about me. Put my toys and cartoons away, stop smiling and being alive like a child and instead start drinking, going to pubs, watch porn, think of women as sex objects and smoking... maybe then life will be better...

Wednesday, 6 June 2007

Here be Update

My assignments & exams are done... thus my first year of university has ended.

Now I have to do the following:
1. Find a job -> I feel like Sisyphus in this matter
2. Survive -> This will be even harder... four months with no job, no education, no nothing.

This job hunt is getting me worried. If I'm inexperienced to hold a menial position, how am I supposed to find a more demanding job after I finish university?

I went shopping today, and the following will sound incredibly stupid considering I'm 20...
There is a lot of youth on the street. When I see the teenagers, I just think about my school years and remind myself how much time I spent either studying or pretending to study... to an extent, I always thought that's going to help me in the end, at least a lot more than for those who went out on party after party. But it's the other way around really... why? Because now I'll finish with education, find a job (hopefully), work, retire and die... I always thought it went: education -> job -> family -> retire -> die... but the family part begins way before education... most people I know are already planing marriage, and they're in the same year...

I suck at life...

Sunday, 13 May 2007

I finished the German writing part in half of the given time... should be okay...

On Friday, we had a class on religion in the UK for Identity & Culture. It appears I'm now known as the resident expert on Paganism...

I also finished a translation for my friend and now I should work a bit on the introduction to my novel for Creative Writing. The tutor from those classes said that I should write about how I struggle to write in English, which I just don't see... yeah, sure, I am not a native, I make mistakes, but I don't think it's a wonder that I can't write perfect English on something which heavies over my emotions... and even then, I hardly make the mistakes most people do when writing in English as their second language... and she just keeps going on "I wouldn't be able to write in another language", so am I wrong to think that what she can't isn't reflective on what others can and cannot?

Sunday, 6 May 2007

Party Time!!!

The weekend is nearly over, literally, and I'm sitting here waiting for my tea to cool down. I feel my eyelids shutting down but I don't want to go to sleep. Something is bothering me and it shows in my dreams.

I don't normally have nightmares, and I don't consider these to be such. I don't wake up in the middle of the night terrified and unable to go to sleep, but these dreams I have just show that something is bugging me.

I dream of confusing languages, trying to speak a specific one and being unable to do so. Other times I don't understand anyone. My mouth is shut so tight that my teeth begin to crumble or it's so wide that my cheeks are being slowly torn apart. All of these have a distinct theme going on, the one of speech, language, I think my subconscious is trying to tell me something. I'm worried, more than ever, about my future. I constantly look back and question the path I've chosen for myself.

It's funny because I always thought I'm doing the right thing. I went on with my education in order to have better chances of achieving a job with suitable wages to ensure a solid life for the family I would have. True, I never was the best pupil of them all, mostly because I didn't agree with the school system which wanted me to excel in everything even when I had clear views on what I want to do with my life. I might have been at the bottom when it came to History and Polish, in the middle in nearly all else, but I did my best in those subjects in which I saw a future for myself, foreign languages. Now I'm studying Linguistics, a subject which although hard, is something I do want to study. However, my plan was flawed from the beginning. People don't go forth with ensuring they have the needed knowledge to build a respectful family life, I was probably the only one in my age group to even think about it.

Eh, it took me half of a lifetime, about 10 years to see how foolish I was. To think that first comes responsibility and duty, to believe in fate that the person I am destined to be with would find me as I would find her, that I would give her my first kiss and live together from then on.
It's a stupid belief, one which could only be taken by a kid in early primary school, a child like me.

Wednesday, 7 March 2007


One of my new classes this semester is Identity and Culture. On our last class we watched fragments of a BBC documentary called 100% English, where people who considered themselves 100% English explained what they think about their national identity and allowed their DNA to be tested for traces of other races.

It was interesting to watch, since I always considered myself 100% Polish, but in a much different way. The people we saw cared greatly about their purity, to the extent that they didn't seem to be too happy about scientists finding traces of other races in their genome. Which was mostly seen by their sentence build. I on the other hand, would find it cool to have some "impurities".

Then we went to the subject of integration and what is the difference between emigrant and immigrant. It's been said that the difference is that the latter tries to adjust themselves to the culture they immigrated to. What's interesting, I think of myself as an immigrant, but according to others' point of view I am an emigrant due to the fact that I don't change the way I act depending on the environment I find myself in. Then again, I don't think this is the case. As I don't suddenly start to bitch, whine and moan on everything that is English specifically because it is English. I even do that when I'm in Poland. I like some parts of one country over the other, and that doesn't change with the place I am in.

However, this specific lecture made me think about whether I really want to stay in England for good. I like it here, but I don't want to be seen as a foreign invader. I know that people want to have a distinct feel to their communities and cultures. For some reason, although I am an individualist, I like to learn about customs and traditions of others, yet, I see cultural integration as a means to enhance a culture instead of destroying it.

I still think myself a Pole, but I'd rather see European under my nationality on the passport. Just because I don't believe nationality can be described as the place of birth. Lets take this hypothetical question: If a Spanish and Ukrainian pair has a child in Scotland and moves to Lithuania after 3 years, and moves countries of residence approximately every 3 years. What is the child's nationality? Since it was raised by members of different nations and in various nations, the easiest answer would be Scottish... but can such a child be truly described as British?

Wednesday, 28 February 2007

Life or lack thereof

I haven't eaten in a few days. My mum told me to watch out for myself because there was a case in the news about a man not eating well whose heart gave up because of it. I hope to end up like that.

This is kinda bad because I know I shouldn't think like that. There are people who don't want to see me dead. There are games online that I run and I don't want to disappoint anyone by suddenly disappearing from the face of the earth. There are things I'd like to write. Debts to be paid. But I'd like to have a reason to live above what I create. Currently, it's all just obligations, I can't think of anything that I want to do.

I like roleplaying, I like studying, I like writing. So what? I just come closer and closer to the realisation that I can't change my life. I can't for the love of God go to the pub with people my age, and I can't expect I'd be able to relate to people older than my parents. I can't really find anything that I do for the sake of enjoyment.

I hate it when people tell me how fun it had to be to go back to Poland for the two off weeks. While I hated it. I wanted to take a break for those weeks and I couldn't because of all that, and now it's back to studying. I don't have a problem with studying, but I can't help wanting to rest for a while. I hate it when people say how bad it is to go back to studying, while I enjoy each lecture to the extent where I can't stand those days I don't have any.

In summary, it's as if I was a totally different person than everyone else. This individuality has never been so much of a burden before. I think it was worse when I first came to England and saw that even in a cosmopolitan country, where many people have foreign ancestry, there still is place for nationalism. The same thing I saw back home. The same thing I wanted to leave behind, to live in a better place. Now however, it seems like there is no such thing.

I have enough of it when people tell me how jealous they are of me. That I am brilliant, highly mature, trustworthy, honest. That I have a great future before me. A future which I don't want to have. I never cared about money. I don't need the toys and books. They are just distractions so that I don't need to think at least for a while about the downfall. How in other words is it possible to describe a life of nothing but work and obligations? Yet I know that ignorance isn't the right way, it won't make things disappear. I curse that knowledge, and the fact I remain strong in my faith. That I try to look up whatever happens, and never give up. But I'm tired, of this life, of this existence of nothing but work.

I want to curl up and die.

Thursday, 15 February 2007

I'm back

Missed me?

Everything seemed to quiet down. I started up two games over at RPoL. Mage: the Awakening and Changeling: the Dreaming. I might get some people to game with properly, as in, not over the internet. I also bought myself Magnum Opus.

My semester started. Creative Writing is cool. Morphology and Syntax likewise, if a bit bizarre for now, so much terminology to learn. I got a 70% on my pagan essay, no word on other assignments.

I want to write some emails... but I'm in a state of "meh" towards everything... I don't even know why I'm here, I should be in German class now, I kinda forgot about it.

I suck...

Tuesday, 23 January 2007

More dream posts!!!

It started with me having a case to investigate. I was undercover and had to infiltrate a school. There were rumours circulating around the community, of some terrible things happening inside. I wasn't sure how to infiltrate the school environment, mostly because I didn't have any documents to show that I am a student but I went inside anyway, hoping no one would notice some random guy. To my amazement, I met with a friend of mine who taught there. We talked a bit and then he asked if I have some time because one of the teachers got sick and I could replace him.

It was during one of the breaks that I saw one student bullying another, I felt kinda sorry for that one but I couldn't do anything before the scene ended. Not giving it too much thought I went on to my lesson.

After a while, I got out of the class to make some snooping around, the flickering light coming out of one of the toilets' door caught my attention. I tried opening to no avail, then I kept on knocking until a girl opened it slightly and told me it was occupied. I left, but it only nagged my curiosity even more. On the next try I managed to sneak inside and saw that it was some kind of cult gathering. With people dressed in black and candles all over the place. The people inside were just students, so I could easily disguise myself.

The cult leader came, I could recognise him by the way he walked with dignity, a special ceremonial cloak and how everyone went silent upon his appearance. There was someone following him and I immediately recognised them. The leader was the bullied pupil while his right hand man was the bully I saw earlier.

The leader turned over and accused the other of assault. On which he replied "But I did as you told, so that no one will suspect you." But the words reached deaf ears, the bully started to get afraid and made a few steps back. The leader turned over to the crowd, asking "Does anyone have something against?" I raised myself "I do."

Bad move, the leader drew his hand and I could feel some force squeezing my heart. Now I knew how he led, using fear, killing those who opposed his will. That explained the rumours and dead bodies found from time to time. But I had something up my sleeve too. I started to change, hair grew all over me, my fingernails turned to wicked claws while my face changed into the maw of a canine, filled with savage teeth.

I came forward, saliva dropping on the floor, the gathered escaping, but he didn't back off. The force used to disrupt my internal organs grew as he drew his other hand, but my anger was greater than the pain. Soon, it was over, with me standing above his bloodied corpse, parts of his body lying around, blood spilled all over the wall... last thought before leaving: "Don't mess with a werewolf."