Writing with a Passion for More

If you're reading this entry you probably already know that a significant amount of my time is spent on writing. I write on this blog, on forums and on games. It's not the only thing I write, there's poetry and prose to my craft... I started to think about it all because I suddenly remembered an old site.

I once had an account on Opowiadania.pl, back when most of my writing was in Polish. There are still some stories there that I fondly remember but they are lost in the thousands of works and I don't currently have the time to search for them anew. In English I know only of FanFiction.net for which I might write something one day, I'm not normally into fan-fiction but I could put something that happens in some already made universe, like the World of Darkness or some Anime. I don't know of any fiction centric website like that other than the one in Polish but that's a bit beside the point.

I'm starting to wonder why is it that apparently, I write a lot better in English than my native tongue. Maybe it's because I write so much in it and I do it because there's many people who speak the language and are interested in my works, but I knew some Poles once who were interested too and yet, I just don't write in it. It may be the reason why my Polish has eroded over the past few years but since I want to be a translator, I need to have sufficient proficiency in both. Thus I bought three books in Polish, two of them written by Poles, in hopes it will help me. However, I believe it would also be good if I were to write something in Polish from time to time. And not just articles for the World of Darkness websites! Some prose in my usual style, whatever it might be. One problem with that is that when I write, I don't like to write the same thing over again. Unfortunately for me, a story written in English is the same one written in Polish and I could never decide which one to write it in.

I often hear that I can come up with good ideas but the only indication of style I ever got were from three people. My teacher once said that I have the talent to take elements from various sources and turn them into something of my own. Another person, who left me with fond memories of our MSN sessions and I mourn the fact there appears to be a growing divide between us now, that person said if I were to write a book of erotic nature, they'd buy it. Lastly, my Creative Writing tutor at the university told me that the story I wrote reads like a book but she can't find all the other pages. That's something that really pushed me into a certain direction.

I always wanted to write a book. For a long time it remained a dream, as intangible like any other but at present it seems more material, more like something that can be achieved. I find myself dreaming of a time when I'll have a job, a steady income which I'd save a few coins now and then as I use what time remains in the day to work on a novel. And after a few years I'll have enough material and funds to go to a printer company and print some books. Then I'd send them to all the people I know, having signed each copy and with a letter saying how much it cost me, maybe some will be kind enough to pay me back. The rest, I'll sell to whoever is willing to buy them... at a price that covers the print job and a bit more so I can fund another book. That would be awesome. But first, I'll probably format them into pdfs and let them loose over the internet...

I always felt that it's more important to write for the readers' enjoyment than for your own pocket, but that's just me...

I haven't written anything in quite a substantial amount of time... so here goes nothing...

I'm now a Godfather and I have in plans making a video with pictures of the event... I'm amazed at how my mind is able to go from not knowing why I joined YouTube due to not having any ideas for videos to having a dozen ideas just by making one video... my creativity astonishes even myself...

Shortly after the Orthodox Christmas (which I could finally spend with my family unlike the previous year) I went back to England. Naturally, my laptop was somehow misplaced at the repairs so I had nothing to work on for a week. This was during assignment month thus it caused a lot of angst and anxiety to gather. There were computers I could work on in the university's library but I hate the atmosphere there...

With the start of the New Year, I begot a new project. Vampir's Writing Monthly which is a mere list of email addresses to which I send out some of my writing each month. I originally intended it to be just for the selected few of whom I knew they'd enjoy something like this. After a while, I decided to change that and put up a thread about it... suddenly I have 30 people on my list... now this is really going to make me write regularly.

After I regained my laptop it was not so difficult to get myself into the essay writing mood. Thus I've created an essay analysing language use in a lego catalogue and another on the whole polysemy vs monosemy of modal verbs in English semi-flamewar... I can't say I'm proud of either but they were the best I could come up with considering the circumstances.

I'm noticing that I really do not fit into the Polish RPG community. They are focused on rules to the extent I find plainly degrading. I always found that the moment you apply physics and whatever laws you can think of into a game, you stop playing it... and a roleplaying game is kind of pointless if you aren't playing it... This of course makes writing for the websites a bit harder... I guess my view of rpg rules is more in terms of guidelines rather than laws, it might be an incorrect view but with the way people regard me when I'm making a new game or running one, I come to believe I'm doing what I'm supposed to do.
Making a game enjoyable...

I've created a Scion game called The Second Age of Myth. It sort of becomes my theme for my games to attract attention. I'm amazed when I'm telling someone I'd rather not see them in this game due to how they left one I was running previously and instead of being offended and telling me off, they calmly explain themselves and say they really want to be in my game because of my storytelling. I know this is going to sound egocentric, but I'm really glad people enjoy what I create... and want to see more...

Apparently, since I find this to be funnier than this, I'm immature and not intelligent enough to laugh at jokes above farts...

My sister sent me DVDs of One Piece... 133 episodes... I think I may be in Heaven...

Long Time no Post

I'm amazed, it's been getting increasingly busier for me with each passing second. I have to admit that I kinda like it since I always been the organising type.
Now, what have I been doing?

Naturally, tending to my 3 online games and having this idea for a Scion game but I'm afraid I just won't have time for now. I'm happy with how Lost in Miami is turning out and am a bit worried about United We Stand, as for St Christopher's Orphanage, it's only natural that it goes slow as most of the players have to deal with university applications if my memory serves right.

Another RPG related stuff is me writing up an NPC (Seven might remember it from the MSN game we had a long, long time ago...) for Oneiros and now I need to modify my Cyberian Lineage Version-PL so it actually is in Polish. Apparently, I'm better in English than in my primary language. From now on I'll be writing in Polish and then translating things into English, that way it should be a purer version of Polish and I won't look like such an idiot. I had to write a review of World of Darkness too and I have to say that I hate writing reviews. I wrote one but apparently it needs to be made differently so back to the drawing board!
I normally would not write something I don't like writing, but as long as I get a Free Book, I'm willing to go the extra mile.
Since I started talking about my texts and what mistakes are being done, I have to wonder time and time again why the person behind Oneiros asked me to join... doesn't make sense...
I would like to take the time to thank Wyrm for the editing he did of my Cyberian Lineage. Even though I am competent with the spelling, proof-reading of your own work doesn't give the same results as doing the same to someone's else.

Since we are on the topic of writing, I don't think I can participate in NaNoWriMo this year. I'm just too annoyed with the so called tips people are giving. I know it's about word count, but even though I'm not the best writer on the planet, I am not going to actively try and write just for words. I will write the way that I know is best even though it might not be a universal excellence. Even failure of not reaching the 50k word count is nothing compared to producing a novel I would know people would not like. I am critical of my work, everyone knows I'm never satisfied with my work so I try to take it to the next step all the time and I cannot change that in any way. Either I'm going to write a good piece of fiction or none at all.

Naturally, I told a few of you that I will let everyone read what I created for this month. Unfortunately, since that's not happening, I have a different solution. Once a month I will send out an email to interested individuals. It will contain an attached .doc file with a short description of what's the piece about. That way, if you don't like a particular subject, you can just not read it and anything that might interest you will be open for perusal. Much like Wyrm's Sunday Music but for the literate! It will most certainly contain such things as poetry, novel chapters, short scene descriptions (something like a cool scene idea intended for practice), stories, rpg-related fiction, etc. All coming out of the depths of my dark and twisted mind.
Yes, there will be some pr0n in there too!

On Thursday I have the Open Mic Night at our University. Naturally, as I did get one of the highest poetry entry scores last year, I'm expected to come and defend the title. Now I'm heading to the stage where I'm not following the standard but creating it!
Still, the prospect of reading it aloud petrifies me...

Lastly, it's less than a week before I go to London and see such fine individuals as Deoq, Insane Prophet and Revamp. Thus hitting DragonMeet 2007!

An Update of Sorts...

Instead of posting to my RPoL games I'm now going to proceed with reviving this blog.

Aside from most of the books I read aren't dealing with mood and modality which seem to be incorporated into our essay subjects as part of this semester assignments, not much happened.

The Lost in Miami game turned out to be a big success, with nearly 20 players! I'm having fun over there so it's all good. I've also finished translating my Sarmatae Bloodline into Polish for World of Darkness Azylum, although it's not yet published. Now I'll proceed to detail my Ghost Guides Legacy. As a side project I'm reviewing Scion: Hero as I read it, which should make Insane Prophet happy and maybe, just maybe, it will be an RPG.net worthy review.

Apparently, all the household bills will now go through me which means I'll have to knock on other people's doors every month and demand a tithe to pay!

Everyone is preparing for Halloween and I'm just wondering if I should go to a cemetery on the day of the dead, sit on a bench and drink some tea after my lectures. It would help if I knew where a good cemetery is here in Brighton.

I most likely have to compile my poems into a file and send them all to my library, asking for that translation work they said they'd have for me and seeing if that would be enough for publishing purposes. Naturally, I'm a bit stressed about it since it would be my début...

I have recently received about 30 books from a friend. Her neighbour put them in a box outside so that whoever is interested can take them and she took 30 for me. Nice ones, The Wheel of Time series, four Sharpe's books and a bunch of others. My full library is of course on LibraryThing!

November is looming and with it NaNoWriMo... I'd like to test my skillz with it. I already have an idea and plan in my mind worked out but it's not going to be Kung-Fu Jesus because that's too awesome to spoil with zero preparations.

My teen years will end this week...

I live!!!

Life can be quite complex at times. So I'll try to break this entry into categories, because I feel like it.

General
I have recently found myself in a tricky position. The internet connection was shut down and for half a month I had no way to be online at my usual times. Which meant that I was out of the circulation and had to use the time in a different fashion, but on that later, let's talk about cooking first!

I found out that I love cooking. This sounds very lame considering that the most I cook is chop, fry and add sauce, I'd rather have some more complicated things but money and time don't allow for it. What would be really great is if I had someone to cook for, as is, I'm looking forward to my sister's visit and am thinking of what things to cook. I'll probably try that thing Harry did for MJ in Spider-Man 3, looked real nice. Cooking for myself is just not as awarding. My tastes are quite limited, especially when it comes to meat so most of the stuff I make is various chicken breast dishes (mostly with rice). My cooking must look weird since I hate the feeling of sticky liquids on my hands. I always use just the index finger, the middle finger and the thumb of my left hand to hold a breast as I cut it, carefully watching not to touch it more than I need to and washing it immediately after I'm finished. It might be a slight Obsessive Compulsive Disorder of mine, but at least it's not like I wash my hands seven times a day... I saw a documentary on such people and their skin literally cracks...

I stumbled upon an article detailing three aspects of a relationship. Sex (the physical act of copulation), Erotica (the sensual pleasures of the flesh) and Love (the more esoteric and emotional state of being with someone). After reading it, I think a lot of my issues spring from the fact that I am looking for Love in a relationship, while I feel as if all is about Erotica primarily... The article is not in a language you'd understand.

Family
My mother and my sister bought tickets and shall be arriving here at the end of this month. My mom will probably be picked up by dad who'll come down and might stay for a night, while my sister will stay with me for a week and a half. Which should be interesting, we plan on drawing, cooking, shopping and playing turn-based strategies (Heroes IV and Civilizations IV) together. Right now she keeps sending me photos of all the new kittens on my grandpa's farm.

We had a bit of a scare with my grandpa. He felt significantly weak these past few days. Of course he is old but for someone who can get himself dead drunk and still walk a few kilometres through knee deep snow in the middle of the night on his knees... him feeling weak is not a good thing, but I called him and that cheered him up. I suspect he is just being depressed by the fact I'm not on the farm...

Friends
I find it hard to befriend people, but there are a few instances where it is really worth it. I know I'm bad at keeping contact, but truth is, I just don't have enough things happening in life to make weekly updates.

I have emailed everyone, so if you didn't receive an email, something is wrong with your account (I'm looking at you, Seven!!!). It took me a while, 37 emails is a major feat, and most of the subjects where crappy ones like "hello", "hi" and the sort, but it's not like I made one big email and sent it to everyone...

Thanks for everything guys and gals.
Career
I've recently got word from Książnica Podlaska (my home library-publisher) that Mr Mieczysław Czajkowski really liked the translations of poems I made for him and wants to publish them. He first needs to find a sponsor, so we shall see if I get my name in yet another book.

Speaking of books, I have a hard time writing recently. Not that I don't have any ideas, I've got plenty and the more I think about a concept, the more subplots my mind adds. However, for some reason, I don't feel like writing prose lately. On top of that, I decided not to write poetry about love. I looked through my old ones, and it just seems like I'm some kind of masochist... lots of pain and angst and stuff... I shouldn't drag myself down like that. Thus even though ideas come, I discard them because of their topic.

I've recently spoken with Wyrm in German over ICQ and my German is horrible. I need to seriously learn the language. That way I can at least try for a teaching position in England. Which would give me enough money to live and by saving some, I'd be able to publish a book. Of course, I won't publish it in Britain, but I only need money to publish it in Poland. I can do it either in Polish and let it roam free or print a bunch in English, bring them back and start selling them on eBay or some such. (This is why people think of me as a planner, I just can't help myself but to make plans...)

Literature
I'm done reading The Vampire Lestat by Anne Rice and started to go through Bitten by Kelley Armstrong. Before continuing, I shall take a moment to do the following:

Magnificent Seven, although being a man of the written word, I find myself at a lack to describe the gratitude emanating from my bleeding heart for this gift you've chosen for my birthday, nearly two years ago. I loved the book and remain in your eternal debt.
(not payable by Mastercard, Maestro or Visa)

Ah, how I love to read such books. Very sensual and vivid, even though I have mixed feelings about the sex scenes in Bitten, I still like it overall.

Cartoons
Not many of you heard, but there will be a new Transformers cartoon. I think it's cool, most people think the style is awful and that it's going to suck. Then again, people always say that about new things. The only thing I was worried about is how they will make toys for this cartoon with those designs!? The panel at Comic-Con showed the prototypes of some and finished products of others and they look great. Soundwave turns into come kind of van-like car and has a guitar! That made me laugh... I'm really starting to like it but it comes out next year, so there's half of this one to go through with.

Other than that, I'm watching three ongoing Anime at the moment. Bleach is in filler stages, which is annoying but Naruto Hurrican Chronicles finally had the fight with Sasori and it's excellent, much better than Deidara vs Gaara. D.Gray-Man is going nicely, a bit slow but the plot thickens...

Series
No internet meant I had loads of time to watch series. So I finished what I had of Painkiller Jane and Raines. The first season of Ghost Whisperer and the first two seasons of Medium. Excellent stuff to watch but I quickly ran out of my stash so I finally picked up Prison Break, I have to say that from what I heard I expected something better, but I really like the whole portrayal of the prison environment.

Toys
I had one of those "you live only once" moments, so I bought Barricade, from the Transformers Movie which I haven't yet seen. The toy is excellent, I really like how the car and robot modes look and am impressed with the transformation sequence. It took me a while to get it right, to know what are the limits of all the joints without smashing them, it's crucial that you are gentle with these things, the paint on the sides (the words POLICE) are already peeling off. The transformation from robot to car is a bit tricky at the end. You have to put everything in just the right place and put enough pressure on the whole back to make it click and then it is excellent. It's hard because I don't want to break it!


Roleplaying
It's only a few more days for my pre-ordered copy of Changeling: The Lost to arrive. If it's cool enough, I might take that proposal from Weregoat and Rabbitpurr to set up a game on RPoL for them.

Speaking of which, the Orphanage game is going through the hiatus, apparently Deoq and another player are outside the internet range, while a third one is MIA.

United We Stand game is doing extremely well. One player said he'll be slower but right now he is in a solo thread with the rest being scattered around the Hundred Kingdoms doing some quests worthy of heroes. Our First Lunar NPC Solar Bonded to one PC has finally made an appearance, the Dawn is going travelling through the towns to make an army, while the rest is very close to fighting some demon kittens!

I've recently started a Werewolf: The Forsaken game in Polish, but one player seems to be ignoring it although he said he would post, without him it's down to two players, which is kinda bad. I'll have to hunt him down now...

The Googles! They do nothing!

I'm starting to get really sick with how the internet works. It's as if you can't do anything without violation, insult or something similar. You can't give a link to an episode because that's piracy, you can't modify the setting because it's a crime, you can't say you like a drawing because it's not constructive criticism and as such doesn't lead to artistic improvement, neither can you enjoy something that most don't because that's just not right, you can't talk about a series because someone might not have seen it and you'd be spoiling it, you can't like a game without being in the wrong... I think I should just give internet-community a rest...

Still no job. I've booked an appointment with the Careers Centre at my university, maybe they'll help. I don't know what is it about me that no one wants to even interview me, I'm getting tired of walking to the town centre for no reason. Picking the Friday-Ad and looking blankly at things I'm unable to do. It's frustrating that I spent years educating myself and I have nothing, absolutely nothing out of it. No skill, no experience, no nothing...

I've got an unrefined idea for a poem. I'm trying to come up with more of them as time goes since I really do want to have that publication and without a good amount of them, it won't happen. Maybe I should try and write a novel for once, at least I've got ideas and the ability to write (sucks about not being able to speak) and maybe one day I'll be able to publish one...

I've just deleted all of my subscriptions, so my nerves should come down a bit. No more posting for me, at least until I get over it... that or I find a life of my own. Though this will have no effect on my RPoL proceedings.

The Orphanage game is going well, a few more months and it will be a year since it started. Now the group just got back to the court in order to clear Herbert's name (played by Deoq) and save everyone overall.
The Exalted game goes extremely well, my players seem to be avid posters and I hope they are liking the plot. I even bought The White and Black Treatise and Scroll of the Monk to enhance the game as a whole.
This may sound a bit emo, but I think that these games really are things I enjoy the most.
The Mage: The Awakening game died because the players have some pressing issues in real life, while my Thallain game seems like it's not going to start at all.

Okay, The Sound of Drums was definitely a better Doctor Who episode than Utopia!

I've updated my website a bit. I've stated up Bones as a player character, a certain Wench might recall him from a game that took place over a year ago. Other than that, there's a knowledge-train magath in the NPC section and some minor fixes, most of them of the "behind the scenes" category.

What else? What else? What else?
Dunno. I've been going through an internal storm I think, I'm still a bit angry about the whole situation. By 'situation' I mean my inability to find a job and a prospect of being homeless if my landlord decides to sell this house. Also, I might be going home for a while and the prospect of it isn't something I'm looking forward to, even with the whole pressure on my family's part.
I think I should change some things about me. Put my toys and cartoons away, stop smiling and being alive like a child and instead start drinking, going to pubs, watch porn, think of women as sex objects and smoking... maybe then life will be better...

Praise the Beauty of the Night

I decided I needed to do some shopping at 5pm. It was getting dark, the sun already hid beneath the horizon. The sky was so beautiful... and then it stroke me, like lightning, the creativity overwhelmed me that I started writing feverishly, without stopping my pace, only watching out so the cars wouldn't hit me. And I wrote until I came to the top of the hill. And I looked at the beauty, once more I felt the urge to write.

The night, in its darkness, strokes my soul to greatness... the only time when I can smile, because of true happiness and not some joke thereof...

Epiphany

Today I went to the Career in Teaching Presentation... I now see an opportunity, I could teach German in a school and get at least £20.000 a year. I will have to think about it, this might be just the job I need to stay in England for a long, long time.

What's more, when I went back home, I got an epiphany. I started to imagine in detail how would my novel, the one I decided to write about a year ago, start. I always have a hard time starting a story, but after that initial phase, it all goes like a piece of cake.

But I still have this story to write, and I will soon need to have at least my initial draft of the essay for English classes. This particular story isn't going so well though, I try to put into it some more pirate interaction, but I'm not sure if it will end up being a nice read.

Still... the epiphany was so awesome, I laughed like a madman on crack the whole way back to the halls.

Also, I noticed there will be a Halloween costume party at the bar on Saturday, although I'm not sure if I'll attend...

What happened

Let me recall what happened in the Life of Vampir... hmmmm... that sounds like a title for some soap opera...

I went to torpor on the Off-Topic Forum, I stopped to enjoy posting there.

I joined SnE instead, and I started to be more active on the other forums where I have membership. In other words, TV.com and Seibertron.com. I must say that SnE is awfully slow, I only managed to make 20 posts in 4 days, meh...

Looks like I graduated school, I'll be getting my diploma on Friday. Although the grades aren't those of a top student I'm glad I graduated. I still lack the IELTS exams though. Now I have to survive the Matura, I'll have to practice my speech a bit more.

I'm so tired today. I got the last part of the poetry tome I'm working on, there were two texts that needed translating, a note from Jan Leończuk (a very prominent poet in our region) and a Redactor Note about our school. Those two were a bit difficult and long. Now comes the part of inserting my translations into the blank pages... and I have a game tomorrow. That saddens me a bit because I had to tell my grandfather that I can't visit him on Easter but I really need to work on this project.

My mum called me today and informed me that she'll be back in a week. Somehow I don't care much... I don't know why, I just want to get out of this house, get a job, get a house, and live without anyone telling me what I have to do at this very moment.

What really made me happy lately is the fact that some of my class mates ask me if I could stay in touch with them if I'll go to England... (which is unlikely since I won't pass my Matura)

The fact that I have ideas is troublesome, I have ideas for spirits, monsters, characters, cities, settings... I want to write them, and I want to put them all on a website... I just am like that. Creativity is my curse. Not only I have various ideas for RPG, but I also have my own ideas for webcomics and stories, maybe even a book if I get to work some more details...

Busy

School has been taking most of my time recently.

I have just finished doing my Math homework, that I'll have to write down on A4 paper tomorrow after school.

I'd love to do so many things, I'd like to start writing the stories that dwell in my mind, maybe I could even try and write a book. I have eight unread books, that are just lying there, waiting for a miracle. I'd love to try drawing a webcomic (for which I already have a plot, physics, characters, etc. that could last for a couple of years). But I can't, I'd have to stop doing my homework, and that can only result in downgrading my grades even further (bloody school).

I had an oral German exam today for a better grade. Of course I didn't prepare myself for it (like I ever prepare myself when it comes to English/German), it was me and a girl from my class, we were standing there, and the teacher asked us questions. She asked me one question, I thought for a moment, and answered so fast and with such an eloquence that I got an applause from my class... and then the teacher started to ask questions to the girl... I had like 2 minutes of attention while she got 6 minutes... Ich bin gut

I'll better go to sleep, I still have a lot to do tomorrow and the day after... Good WIIWYL!!!