Friday, 31 March 2006

This test is AWESOME!!!

The Antichrist
You scored 52% Pride, 70% Envy, 70% Ambition, and 50% Deceitfulness!
You are the Antichrist, a member of the unholy trinity along with The False Prophet and Satan. In the Bible you are described as the beast with seven heads and ten horns. You have the appearance of a leopard, with the feet of a bear and the mouth of a lion (you figure out the symbolism). You are an ambitious individual who is bent on world domination and it is prophesied that you will achieve this goal. You will eventually set up a mighty empire, the greatest empire that the world has ever seen. This empire will be in opposition to God and God's chosen people (the Jews). Essentially, you will be like a Hitler who actually succeeds, for a time at least. Indeed, you have a lot of other Hitler-like qualities. You are a very prideful person and this probably stems from the fact that you possess real advantages over most other people. You have what it takes to get to the top and the drive to get there. You also possess Hitler's potential for cruelty. You enjoy watching others suffer, especially your enemies. This is because you view life as a competition. May the strong survive and may they stand proudly on top of the bones of their vanquished foes! Finally, you are very direct with your enemies and friends alike. You feel that it's good to make your intents known to other people. Some may argue that Hitler was deceptive, but he really wasn't. If people just read his book, they would have known his ultimate goals and how he felt about the people who stood in opposition to these goals.

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:
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You scored higher than 49% on Pride
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You scored higher than 80% on Envy
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You scored higher than 67% on Ambition
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You scored higher than 45% on Deceitfulness
Link: The Which Biblical Villain Are You Test written by MetalliScats on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

Sunday, 19 March 2006

PC problems

The PC is giving me hell, it seems my data is corroding, so I have to send it to the doctor.
Another problem is the fact that I can't get access to my mail server, thus I'm not able to inform me players about my problems, so it would be nice if someone who reads this could point this to Lisko ];)

The PC should be functional by Tuesday, but only if there aren't any major problems. So until then, no more internet for me.

Saturday, 18 March 2006

Random Thoughts

I sit here, in front of the PC, all alone, my kitty is sleeping, it's dark, and it feels cold. But the window is closed, the door is closed, everything is closed... so cold. Somehow, it doesn't bother me, it's just days like this that I think too much... the teachers say thinking doesn't hurt, but they are wrong.

When I went to England, I found something I thought I don't possess. I started to believe in myself. People always told me I am good at English, but I knew they didn't knew English at all. It's only when someone who is by nature better than you, because he spoke that language since birth, because it's his only language, when such a person said "You're not English?", I started to believe in myself. I talked louder, I made jokes with strangers, I walked with pride, I felt different. I forgot about the truth.

But now... I know. I'm still flawed in one way. I'm too emotional. I don't get happy, I'm full of joy. I don't get sad, I get depressed. I don't get upset, I get mad. And I still have a lot of anger. I hate people. I remember what happened in previous schools, how they treated me. I don't know what forgiveness is, I don't want to know.

My friend came today, I showed him my kitty 'cos his girlfriend was wondering how is she. Nearly everyone in my class has someone else... When my mum asked me how large is my class, I told her "30, and me". I know I could be part of some group, but I can't. I'm a coward, I'm so afraid that I'll hurt someone, that I can't even start a relationship.

I have a chance, I could get into uni, get a degree, get a job, get a house... but it's not the chance I am waiting for... and I know, when the chance will come, I won't take it... I can't...

Wednesday, 15 March 2006


Well, it's been an hour since my mum left me for some dad in England...

Saturday, 11 March 2006


I know I haven't updated in a long time, but I have a good reason... yeah, that's it.

Looks like I can't find my poems on paper so they died with my hardrive, that's bad because I had some of my favourites there. I've written a new one and I'm about to write another, so I'm back at two. I could try to recreate my lost ones, but I'm afraid the feeling that drove me into writing them would be artificial this time. A mere memory of passion isn't enough to write.

I'm done reading Werewolf: the Forsaken, it's a great book. Now I read World of Darkness: Chicago when I'm not in front of the PC and Mage: the Awakening when I'm in front of the PC. I really hope the Chicago book will help me with making a city setting for all my games. Which was nigh impossible in oWoD.

But then again, I have school. My biology teacher decided we will have a more difficult ecology test than all the other classes. Which is bad, as the previous one was awfully simple.

My sister is playing a lot of Sims 2 lately, mostly because of the new expansion Open for Business. We had some problems with installing the game, installing stuff from the extra CDs she got and running it. She also had a problem with running a restaurant in the game, so of course I was a bit busy doing the stuff for her. Now, as a payback I proposed a game session. She said yes, but today she silently decided she will play only when the PC explodes, the people running MTV will die in questionable circumstances and her magazines will suddenly burn all by themselves... I went mad... I hate when people brake promises... so I had to roll Manipulation + Persuasion with +1 for acting on her guilt feelings and +1 for comparing her to the "not-cool" side of the family that everyone associates her with versus her Composure + Resolve... looks like I won. And after I explained to her that this will be something like Smallville/Buffy with strange things happening in her small town, and she gets magic powers, she seems to be eager to play... so looks like I'll have a game session Sunday after dinner.

And today I should spend on writing an essay for Polish, doing homework, maybe I'll study some for Biology, I have a book to read for Polish, then I'll translate some poems, clean a bit on my desk and maybe I'll write a poem... I so hate life...

Friday, 3 March 2006


I'm tired... really tired...

Translating, learning, presenting, reading, watching... it goes on and on, and whenever I see the end and some time to rest, some teacher gets the brilliant idea to give us more homework... and I still have to redo my final's presentation.

I'm so tired, that I didn't know what to do yesterday... and I felt out of place. I know I have lots to do... but I want it to stop... you may kill me now...