Wednesday, 22 June 2016


I've been meaning to write this post for half a year now.
Alas, Life is such that things keep on happening and I couldn't find the time to sit down, think things through and write what's on my mind.

I'm not doing well financially these days.

It's all my fault, really. I used to have a good grasp on my budget, financial flow and my mental state in general before events in my personal life took a turn for the worse. There was a period where all my income for diverted into dealing with some mental health issues. When I felt slightly better off in that regard, I took a gamble and instead of focusing on saving money and putting in additional hours at work, I used all I had to look for a job.

I was desperate, to say the least. I had a hard time dealing with the memories my workplace gave me and really wanted out. I started to look for jobs in areas outside my expertise and local area, and kept taking days off work to attend interviews.

Suffice to say, it didn't pay off.

At the end of last summer I was left with barely enough to get by. I managed to pull through somehow but it was harsh. Now that I've moved, a lot of my surplus income these past few months went into furniture acquisition and rent increase. It's only this week that I'm starting to feel my expenses are going down. Even so, when something comes up like going to the cinema with friends or a trip to a convention, I feel bad for spending money.

All I can think of is how my various accounts add up to a staggering -£2.7k.

It feels like a grim situation. My mind keeps telling me I should just give up on everything that's not essential to base survival (food, water and heat) and deal with this issue... but I've lived like this once. When I first had problems with debt, that was left onto me by some rather unsavoury housemates, I got a job and spent most of my time working. I did naught but work, literally. After my hours were up, I would go home to sleep and go back to work. I barely had time to eat and my days off were a combination of housework and watching TV.

I never wanted that to be my life.

Work + TV is the sort of life I saw my parents have when I was growing up and I vowed not to have a life that's solely focused on working. So here I am, wasting my money frivously on my dreams and trying to enjoy myself as much as I can with whatever time I've got left.