Tuesday, 31 October 2006

Another of those Dream updates

I ready my rifle. I have a job to do. A mission given to me as a soldier. I enter the room, I see my grandpa sitting in his chair, watching TV, but it's not him. I pull the trigger, the bullet goes through his skull like butter, blood drips. His body erupts into sand, the whole room is like the middle of a sandstorm.

"Shoot!" the voice in my head screams.
"No, not yet." I open a book and begin to read it. Even as the sand gets to my eyes and clouds my vision.

Moments later, a limousine parks outside. I can see men in black getting out of it, into the night surrounding them although the room is brightly lit. They wait for the delivery. The sandstorm ends. All the sand forms into a shape similar to a human. I stood up, aim and shoot for the head. I cease to exist...

yet, I am, I know, I see...

A place of metal and glass, little light is here. A woman strapped to a metal chair. Two persons, a man and a female, they interrogate her. The man gets angry, he decides to show his true self. The woman steps back when the man is seemingly torn to pieces from the inside. A worm-like beast with centipede-like legs at the end and small arms on the front. He looks at her with those red eyes with predatory pupils, he smiles with his mouth full of razor teeth. The woman is unimpressed by the alien. He doesn't like this and changes again. Metal bursts from his body as he presents his newest implants, changing him in size and shape into a machine. The front of a race car, the back of a military tank, nearly covering the dome with his size.

Nothing... darkness... oblivion...

I see a man and a woman in their bed in a poor looking apartment in the centre of town. It's night again. They aren't asleep, but look tired nonetheless. The woman gets out of the bed and looks into the night, the lamplights shining in the distance.
"Why do I have to be so different?" she says
The man gets out of the bed and hugs her, his limbs embracing her like snakes "Everyone is different, no one is the same, age, nation, sex, some are more different than others, you are the first of those two."
She turns to him, they look into each others eyes, they kiss.

I am. I stand in front of the building I saw a moment ago. I hold my rifle. I know what I have to do. I enter.

Me vs Ich

So, I enter the office of the German Language Teaching Headmistress and try to explain I'd like to try higher-up.

Suddenly... a vicious fight erupts in the ephemeral dimension of my mind.

1: Weißst du was? Du könntest jetzt in Deutsch sprechen, dann werdet du Sie schauen wie gut du bist.
2: I haven't mastered the German language enough to attempt that.
1: Na und?
2: I can't risk failure in this precious moment.
1: Aber du kannst es schon, du kannst ja nicht ausfallen.
2: You can't know that.
1: Na klar ich kann. Na komm schon.
2: No.
1: Du bist ein solche blodman.
2: Oh, hush, I'm trying to talk here.
1: Dann spricht in dieses Sprache.
2: NO!

So I end up having difficulties talking with her in any ne language as I fight with myself for the use of one language...

Friday, 27 October 2006


I went to town yesterday. Among many other things I saw a very neat shirt, so naturally I stared at it. I marvelled at the fabric and the design as something became visible from the corner of my eye. Although I couldn't make out any detail, it looked like someone was staring at me from the inside of the shop. I suddenly felt such anger like never before, while normally I would ignore such people, I truly wanted to rip apart that whoever it was with my bare hands... I was imagining all the various tortures, not the painful ones, but the more aggressive ones like slashing up every inch of the body, hitting the head with a baseball bat repeatedly and breaking all the bones with a hammer.

So I couldn't take it any longer and looked at who was staring at me... I saw my own reflection... this gives me proof of how much I hate myself...

Wednesday, 25 October 2006


Today I went to the Career in Teaching Presentation... I now see an opportunity, I could teach German in a school and get at least £20.000 a year. I will have to think about it, this might be just the job I need to stay in England for a long, long time.

What's more, when I went back home, I got an epiphany. I started to imagine in detail how would my novel, the one I decided to write about a year ago, start. I always have a hard time starting a story, but after that initial phase, it all goes like a piece of cake.

But I still have this story to write, and I will soon need to have at least my initial draft of the essay for English classes. This particular story isn't going so well though, I try to put into it some more pirate interaction, but I'm not sure if it will end up being a nice read.

Still... the epiphany was so awesome, I laughed like a madman on crack the whole way back to the halls.

Also, I noticed there will be a Halloween costume party at the bar on Saturday, although I'm not sure if I'll attend...

Saturday, 14 October 2006

Bored to tears

Education proceeds fine. I'm up to date with my reading, I have a semi-idea on what I'm going to write an essay about, looks like I'll start working on a bibliography for it next week, the German teacher may send me a level higher.

In contrast, my personal life is a mess. I got no job, my webpage remains unfinished, my Warsaw game is kinda dead, I haven't wrote the next part of my story in a week and on top of that I suddenly experience pain which seems to concentrate around my Sternum. What's even worse, I feel so bored, I don't have the lust to do anything at all...

Of course, it doesn't help being me. I just have to torment myself with uncertainty. I constantly think that my degree is going to be useless, that I won't find any job in England so I'll have to go back, and even the best outcome I see is devoid of my goal. Thus the fact I am worthless and won't achieve anything in life grows on me... but you've all heard about it already.

Wednesday, 11 October 2006

I have yet to find a test that says the opposite

A Femme Fatale!

You scored 72% !!

Da-Yum! You must BE a woman! Good job!

My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender:
free online datingfree online dating
You scored higher than 26% on Knowledg

Link: The How Much You Know About Women Test written by mizzoralsex on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test

Sunday, 8 October 2006

Week 2

So... I phoned the Loan Company on Monday, and got everything sorted... it seems England will have to deal with my presence for a while.

I was so overjoyed that I joined additional German classes, which I had on Tuesday. The same day I purchased the books needed for my course.

Wednesday saw me searching for a job... went very lousy... even the JobWorkshop at my uni had nothing, although I applied for a position here and there...

Thursday I have no idea what I did.

Friday I had two lectures on my English classes. Mostly how to write an academic paper and a discussion. I did quite well during the discussion... people even agreed with me I also found out I need to decide upon a subject to write an essay in relation to the UK... currently, I'm thinking on something to do with mythology.

Saturday was filled with webdesign and study. During the evening my neighbours kinda started knocking on my door madly and screaming "Get out!!!", but it was bound to happen...

Sunday was again just webdesign and study...

Sunday, 1 October 2006

Week 1

So the first week of my study years comes to an end.

My fee hasn't been covered by the loan company, so I have to call them on Monday. Depending on whether they'll cover it or not, I might be forced to study in my home country... which is a fate I'm not looking forward to. As such, I am in so much stress that I can't even bother eating... At least the constant parties stop after this week. I've been to one Rave Party, and I must say: I hate parties, nothing in life will change that.

I've been a bit busy writing my Cyberian Lineage for the Month of Promethean contest, and I'm nearly done detailing my Pandoran. Sadly, the latest short story of my is on hiatus till the Month of the Promethean ends. Which is this Wednesday. I've been reading Allah 2.0 by Mieszko Zagańczyk (birthday present) as well as Language Instinct by Steven Pinker (for my course). That book is brilliant, normally I am not fond of reading books for classes, but this one is great. The explanation of how language is created by children living in communities using pidgin is brilliant. Not to mention how he describes the various instances of language oriented disorders and the superiority of unconscious use of language versus the concious learning of grammar rules. (For those of you who remember my constant ranting about the motion of education: I'm the Language Fiend, I love this stuff.)

I've been to town, I found a comic shop and they had more comics than my eyes have ever seen. All the titles I could come up with where there, and a shelf with rpgs... I'd like to buy the Hero System 5e Revised book, but I need money for my studies more. The same goes for that Darth Vader Transformer figure that I've been looking for while I stayed in Grimsby.