Wednesday, 29 November 2006


Which kind of Exalted character are you?

One of the Exalted servants of the Neverborn, you have given them your name and your destiny in return for the dark power of the grave. Your new destiny is nothing less than the destruction of Creation itself, and you will fufill it-- whether or not you want to.

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Persuasive? Since when?

What type of vampire are you?

The Refined Vampire
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Thursday, 16 November 2006

The Irony that is Life

I got a letter that among many other things, said I am an old fart.

And I must say, it's true.

I don't like the company of my age group, and I don't like anything they consider fun. Dancing, smoking, drinking, listening to music late in the evening, going to parties... it all bores me... it's true that people my age don't like me for this fact...

The letter also said I will never get a girl if I won't go "public"... but the truth is, I am not interested in girls who like parties, since I wouldn't be able to get along with such a person... and I'm even less interested in a relationship that won't last a lifetime. I know some of you think it's foolish and I need to experiment, but that is not me.

Months ago, I did something against myself, just because I thought that is what people do in such a situation... and with it I forgot one of the most crucial things about myself... I am not people.

The fact is, I am fully aware that by being myself I won't achieve my life's goal. Not only that, I accept myself as I am. I really do like having tea with the library director, city president and two university professors more than listening to music with my age group. I also do like to go into the opera or theatre more than going out clubbing and getting drunk. That's probably why I'm so depressed all the time... the plain fact I enjoy spending my time with people younger than 10 and with people older than 30, but I can't stand people my age.

So yeah, I'm an old fart...

Monday, 13 November 2006

Praise the Beauty of the Night

I decided I needed to do some shopping at 5pm. It was getting dark, the sun already hid beneath the horizon. The sky was so beautiful... and then it stroke me, like lightning, the creativity overwhelmed me that I started writing feverishly, without stopping my pace, only watching out so the cars wouldn't hit me. And I wrote until I came to the top of the hill. And I looked at the beauty, once more I felt the urge to write.

The night, in its darkness, strokes my soul to greatness... the only time when I can smile, because of true happiness and not some joke thereof...

Sunday, 5 November 2006

A year has passed...

I recently looked through the posts I made during this year. Full of sorrow, doubt in my own abilities, hubris in my skills, that one time with the girl, my first job experience. I noticed I currently achieved one of my goals... a milestone one could say... I am in Higher Education.

I should say I am happy. But I'm not. I enjoy going to lectures, reading all the books, studying. And yet, there is no smile. I went to a pub with the people from my course, and like always, I felt false, because that's not who I am. During the weekends my neighbours constantly listen to music, that noise just doesn't allow me to concentrate on my studies, more so, they listen to music and have a huge number of CDs because of their age. I am the same age, and I never had the drive to listen to music, more so, I never got to anything people my age liked doing for fun... because it wasn't fun for me. When I did something that made me smile, when I told them what my hobbies are, when I asked them if they want to try doing something with me... I was met with laughter and exclusion from the social circle.

My grandmother once told me "What do you need friends for?" when as a 6 year old child I came home crying that no one wants to play with me. To an extent I have grown into a disconnected person. Don't get me wrong, I do treasure your friendship and I want to keep it going, that's probably why I keep on posting this much. But at the same time I know I am able to go away and never come back. Even now, I have to force myself to keep contact with the people back in my country. I don't even want to write letters to one person... but I made a promise... thus I write, even though she doesn't.

So what has been going on today. I had a warm bath, so warm my limbs turned red, how I love a nice warm bath. For some reason, when I got up, I felt dizzy and everything went black, I nearly fell to the floor but managed to retain my balance. I sat down on the chair and felt like vomiting. But then I got better...

Next was breakfast, I have no more meat. Then I had a few hours to relax on the internet. At this point, I have enough of all those "Happy" wishes... although Call's e-card was AWESOME!!! Then I started to go through the books for my lectures, and of course, my neighbours had to start to listen to music. You can't even begin to comprehend how frustrating for me it is to concentrate on reading while there is music playing in my ears. So I'm unprepared for tomorrow.

I also drunk some alcohol, sure it was little and weak, but while most people get happy and overjoyed with drinking, I get the opposite.

Thursday, 2 November 2006

Advanced 1

I think I shall stay, it's more on my level than Intermediate was.