Sunday, 13 May 2007

I finished the German writing part in half of the given time... should be okay...

On Friday, we had a class on religion in the UK for Identity & Culture. It appears I'm now known as the resident expert on Paganism...

I also finished a translation for my friend and now I should work a bit on the introduction to my novel for Creative Writing. The tutor from those classes said that I should write about how I struggle to write in English, which I just don't see... yeah, sure, I am not a native, I make mistakes, but I don't think it's a wonder that I can't write perfect English on something which heavies over my emotions... and even then, I hardly make the mistakes most people do when writing in English as their second language... and she just keeps going on "I wouldn't be able to write in another language", so am I wrong to think that what she can't isn't reflective on what others can and cannot?

Sunday, 6 May 2007

Party Time!!!

The weekend is nearly over, literally, and I'm sitting here waiting for my tea to cool down. I feel my eyelids shutting down but I don't want to go to sleep. Something is bothering me and it shows in my dreams.

I don't normally have nightmares, and I don't consider these to be such. I don't wake up in the middle of the night terrified and unable to go to sleep, but these dreams I have just show that something is bugging me.

I dream of confusing languages, trying to speak a specific one and being unable to do so. Other times I don't understand anyone. My mouth is shut so tight that my teeth begin to crumble or it's so wide that my cheeks are being slowly torn apart. All of these have a distinct theme going on, the one of speech, language, I think my subconscious is trying to tell me something. I'm worried, more than ever, about my future. I constantly look back and question the path I've chosen for myself.

It's funny because I always thought I'm doing the right thing. I went on with my education in order to have better chances of achieving a job with suitable wages to ensure a solid life for the family I would have. True, I never was the best pupil of them all, mostly because I didn't agree with the school system which wanted me to excel in everything even when I had clear views on what I want to do with my life. I might have been at the bottom when it came to History and Polish, in the middle in nearly all else, but I did my best in those subjects in which I saw a future for myself, foreign languages. Now I'm studying Linguistics, a subject which although hard, is something I do want to study. However, my plan was flawed from the beginning. People don't go forth with ensuring they have the needed knowledge to build a respectful family life, I was probably the only one in my age group to even think about it.

Eh, it took me half of a lifetime, about 10 years to see how foolish I was. To think that first comes responsibility and duty, to believe in fate that the person I am destined to be with would find me as I would find her, that I would give her my first kiss and live together from then on.
It's a stupid belief, one which could only be taken by a kid in early primary school, a child like me.