Tuesday, 27 May 2008

Fantastic!

Why did a Dalek cross the road?
To exterminate that bloody chicken.

Knock, Knock.
Who's there?
Doctor.
Doctor, who?
Exactly!

How many Daleks does it take to change a lightbulb?
Daleks do not change a ligthbulb! Daleks exterminate the building!

Friday, 23 May 2008

Death Follows in my Wake

My internet is dead and I'm having issues with the provider who is being annoying...

Now I need to go for classes, the normal schedule will return when I'll have it back, because honestly, I can't be online during my campus hours... and it's only those hours that I can access the internet at present...

Until next time!

Tuesday, 20 May 2008

Splendid!

My laptop died...

again...

I just lost everything I was working on the past week...

now I have to work on public university computers...

I'm so going to fail this semester...

Wednesday, 14 May 2008

The Hole in my Mind

I'm kind of better now. I still have the same things tormenting me as before but to a lesser extent, I guess telling the internet "LIFE SUCKS!!!" helps... so I thought I'll extrapolate on what's annoying me at the moment...

I think it all started with Domi telling me that when looking for a job I need to think what it can enable me to do, pay-check-wise. Which got me thinking... what do I want? And that's actually quite a difficult question because technically, I don't want anything. I like roleplaying games, graphic novels, books, manga, cool shirts, etc. but I have a hard time saying that's what I want. It's a bit like with my sister, she hoards money, I hoard stuff. Buying all those things to me is probably like breathing to you, you don't really think of breathing as something you want to do all your life but as part of what you are. In fact, when I saw this really cool device allowing you to watch cable/satellite TV over the internet, my first thought was "Dad's going to love that one." so my first thought is still about someone other than me... it makes me realise that I don't think of myself as worth attention and this is something I have to change. Thus giving in to all those people telling me I have to be more egoistic.

Next up is my dad telling me about finding work. That I shall fail because I haven't found one for 2 years. Doesn't matter I have no idea how to look for a job. Doesn't matter I have no idea where to look for a job. Doesn't matter I have a fear of talking to new people. I didn't find one on my first few weeks here so there's no chance in hell I won't find one. In part, I agree, it's only my own fault I am incapable of finding a job. I have barriers instilled in me that need to be overcome before I succeed, but it isn't easy.

Domi later on said I need to find myself a girlfriend. Suddenly, my mind just gives me reason after reason not to have a girlfriend. For once, I lack the resources of money and time. I have no idea how a relationship works. I'm too fragile and living in a very unstable state, adding to the stress I already have will only make me go down further. By unstable meaning university life with no certainty of living in one place in the foreseeable future. And there's the whole thing about how sex enters the equation, it all seems like intercourse happens in the early stages of going out but I just don't see myself sleeping with a girl after a few dates out.

I have a really hard time coming up with ideas for my games. It's not that I burned out or anything like that. If I sit down and start writing, I can move the story forward no problem, but I feel that sting in my heart telling me I should be studying for an exam or something of that sort instead of gaming.

I think that's all that's on my mind... at least I believe it to be... you know how awful a memory I can have at times...

Saturday, 10 May 2008

My internet presence is waning but I think it's for the best. I had a lot of thinking, made observations and finally concluded that changes need to be made.

My main problem is that I held too much to hope.

When I was in primary school, I thought that I just need to be patient, that in time people will grow out of their stupidity and the fists will stop. They did stop when I reached high school but instead of intelligence they were replaced with harsh looks, social exclusion and verbal abuse. Being patient didn't help in this case either, people at university still are more interested in fashion, alcohol, getting laid and "cool" stuff rather than education and the pursuit of knowledge.

I came to the conclusion that having values is an innate trait rather than one acquired through being raised. I don't mind people having fun, but the extent to which I find myself surrounded seems excessive and meaningless to me. What's the point of having sex if you know you won't see that person ever again? What's the point of drinking just to forget today? It's not my thing and no matter how much I try, it never will be. I don't need to slowly climb up the party ladder nor do I need to find the right people. Even when I'm with people I like to talk to, I am incapable of looking forward to drinking with them.

It often happened that I killed a conversation by saying "none" to questions about what music I listen to or what do I drink. Most people don't see that as an answer but as a way of politely saying to shut up, which in my case is incorrect. That single fact got me down more than once because I wanted to meet people and find some worth my time but now I think that if the first thing you want to talk about is either of the two, as far as I'm concerned, you're boring me...

Which brings me to my other point, being too polite. There were times when I skipped a meal because someone was using the kitchen and I didn't want to get in the way or when I didn't work on my thing because someone asked me for help... well, I decided that people were right when they told me I need to be more of an egoist and think more about myself. So I tried to be a bit more self-centric lately and it actually works quite fine.

I started working out more, 30 push-ups and 30 of each of those belly and back muscles exercises (that I constantly forget the name of, even though Encart told me once) a day, followed by leg muscle stretching... I'm spending too much of my time physically inactive these days and I'm quite annoyed that I'm having trouble keeping up my running speed for the usual amount of time. I think it's also the best way for me to gain weight as my body can't hold fat for long, so the next best thing to do is to get some more muscles. Of course, I didn't do rigorous training until now because I'm just that nice of a guy that I didn't want to be so strong as to hurt someone when I snap... like I said, I'm changing my attitude into "I'm me, if you don't like it, try and stop me."

So to sum up, I'm basically replacing my "hope" mentality with my "hate" mentality... it's not something that I thought I would ever do, but I'm tired of living in a fantasy world.
Life sucks, there's no point to it and there won't be any any time soon... so I might as well do what I want because I feel like it...

Friday, 9 May 2008

A Shadow Over Heaven's Eye

Set in the world of Exalted, the book is a story about Swan's visit to Yane. It's a city with a society where people are assigned to a specific caste based on the alignment of stars during their birth and the social status of their families. Swan is a foreign diplomat arriving to help his friend, a royal of Yane. He is also a Solar Exalted, Chosen by the Sun and commonly believed to be a demon in mortal flesh.

The story focuses in part on Swan's mission to help in trade relationships between cities, a drug plot and young Maylea. It doesn't take long for Swan to note that Maylea, the daughter of his friend, is on the cusp of Exaltation. The young girl is flooded with new memories about herself and the diplomat which causes confusion to form between her and Swan, especially considering she is soon to be married.

For players of Exalted, Maylea's memories will end up surprising, I certainly never thought of using pre-Exaltation memories in such a clever way. Further tying them into the ongoing plot, which is revealed to be truly epic, is just one reason to applaud the author. Naturally, no Exalted book is complete without fight scenes between Chosen, this holds true here. Not only that, the final fight scene is in an exotic scenery which only makes it harder for Swan to come out victorious. All this as we slowly get to know how his final opponent figures into the story and what are her motivations.

While there are many threads running throughout the book, they are cleverly tied together at the very last chapters. Meaning the full picture is for us to discover after we reach the epilogue.

Wednesday, 7 May 2008

Bomb!!!

There was a bomb alarm on campus today, everything was cancelled so my German exam was rescheduled. It turned out to be a fired artillery shell...

Sunday, 4 May 2008

I'm not feeling well. I'm not sick but I'm just having enough of the whole university.
My tutor tells me that before I conduct my research, I should write the questionnaire and send it to her so I she can give me feedback. It was the end of the week so I sent it on Monday. On Thursday I still had no word, I didn't inquire because I thought she's busy but there's still a few days left and Wednesday is a long day for me... so I went with what I had and surprise, surprise, I bump into her on Friday and she tells me she received my email but didn't know what to do with it... great, just great... and like it happened before with her whole module, I can't find any literature dealing with the subject of my essay and naturally that's the subject I'm most capable to deal with... this whole module is plain stupid and we don't cover anything during the lectures, I might as well not have gone on the lectures and I'd have the same problems I am having now...

Aside from that, I bought a new webcam but it has yet to arrive. I sincerely hope it will work this time around... I also bought a Lego Wizard, Wyrm sent me The Manual of Exalted Power: The Abyssals (which is awesome of him) and I tried to calm myself, but I'm still frustrated beyond measure...

On Monday I informed my fellow housemates of the gas bill and while they were eager to check the gas reading for any inconsistencies, they weren't as keen on paying the money by Friday... which means I can't pay the bill. Who would have thought? And this time I'm going with Exmiscellanea and demand that they pay whatever fine comes our way, because as far as I'm concerned, I have my share ready to be paid...