There is one thing I have to say
Exmiscellanea is right.
I need to stop worrying about relationships and patterns and just do what I always do, ride the current of reality up to the release of death...
I think I'm getting into some crisis.
I'm beginning to realise that I need not only think of a career but something more than that. Life apparently isn't just about going home/work. I need to fill it with something more than that. Gaming would be the obvious choice, but for some reason my mind thinks of it as the opposite of socialising... that old stereotype of a basement geek.
There's a real torment of emotion in me right now. To the extent that I don't really know what's happening. Being home doesn't help one bit because everyone wants me to do something. I don't mind most of them, I wasn't here a long time so it's understandable that my family wants to spend time with me. Unfortunately, that leaves me with little time to do anything else, while my family might think otherwise, keeping up with friends is also important.
I feel kind of drained, not really sure what to do, even though I have my projects (like cleaning this room)... depression? Maybe... is it wrong to hope that I'll find a job after graduating so I don't have to come home and listen to my mom telling me what I need to do as if I was stuck in one chapter of life, like life is going to be exactly the same after graduating like it was before?
I just want to do something with myself instead of waiting for a better future that will not come. I hope this summer I'll manage to do a few things that I wanted to try but been constantly putting them off.
The seeds have been planted, it's a fast growing plant, I just need to cut it right and enjoy the camp fire stories...