Identity Crisis

Roleplaying had always been a very large part of who I am. I've been playing those games since I was twelve years old. I've even considered writing a more-or-less detailed history of how I went through the games. Even now I have notes to write a few blog posts within the subject of roleplaying games, I once had an idea to write a whole series of posts on how to run games on a forum and I still have those plans for articles to be submitted to Asylum which I really should work on.

Throughout most of my life I didn't have a group of people dedicated enough to sit down and play some games with me regularly. When I was a teenager, the greatest thing ever was to get so drunk you woke up the next day. It is perhaps suffice to say that I tried and failed to see the attraction. Roleplaying games, on the other hand, provided me with enough mental stimulation and an outlet for my rampant imagination that I played them more and more. Alas, it is rather difficult to play them without anyone to play them with. So I tried playing online. First with chats, then on a forum and in the end I landed on RPoL.

I liked it for many reason and I've both ran and played in many games over there. Some were good, others died a slow and painful death. At present I'm running one game with people that proved to be very patient when I was going through some very harsh times. They stayed for months when I was homeless or (even worse!) internetless. Yet now, after all these years, I find myself at a point in time I thought was impossible to appear on my path. I come to the conclusion that I've lost enthusiasm for roleplaying.

I'm not really sure as for the whys or hows. Truth is, running a game on a forum requires commitment. It doesn't matter how you feel, sometimes you just have to sit down and write what you have to write. It's a very similar process as with writing anything. When you have deadlines, you work on meeting them whether you like it or not... and for a long time, that's what I did. I ran several other games before and I did actually have a time set up in the day to write what needed to be written. I kept to that time and there were days when I cursed myself for it and there were days when I was more than happy to see what came out of my, and my players', writing.

This is not how I feel today...

What I've described may seem tedious. That's because it is tedious. Roleplaying has become as much work as it was a fun past time. While this may seem like it was a problem, it wasn't a problem at all. I revelled in it and I was happy. Alas, today my feelings are much different.

I find myself waking up and I have some time to kill before work. I see there's work to be done on this game I'm running. I don't do it. Later on, I come back from work and while tired, I feel obliged to do some work on this game I'm running. I open the web-address and look at it. I don't do it. This is not to say I didn't do anything at all. I did update and clean up the game a few times but this is the worst part. When I actually did some work on it, I felt nothing... no frustration, no enthusiasm...

I don't think I burned myself out. I did a few times in the past when I had no idea what to do next and needed to take two weeks off to clear my head. No, I know what I want to do and I am sure I have the time to do it. What I think is happening is that I simply no longer care enough...

I have a theory that it's all because of a previous game I ran. It was an Exalted game, a system that is perhaps the closest I would say to being my favourite. I've been running that game for nearly three years and I was very proud of how it all went. The plots and the characters were marvellous. It was a real shame that I didn't manage to save all the data from it before it got deleted due to inactivity... but that's entirely my fault...

Thing is that now it seems like all the games I'm running just pale in comparison and I just can't get myself to create another game that would be as great and as fun as that one. So I'm left feeling inadequate for now and thus this feeling of mellowness is given rise.

In the end, I decided to make the hard choice of leaving forum roleplaying for the time being. I think I may see if the club I used to go to has any spaces in any games... maybe that will help me rekindle my gaming problems...

Black March

Well... Black March has started... if you're anything like me you've been hearing about protests over internet censorship for the better part of the past two months. If you're not, then this image should help.

Stop Online Piracy Act (SOPA)
Protect Intellectual Property Act (PIPA) and
Anti-Counterfeiting Trade Agreement (ACTA)

All really nice words and ideas... sadly a name is not what makes a law. Most people don't even look into what is incorporated into those words. I can't say I do either but I do know that just from looking at the public, it's not a welcomed change. Alas, most people don't care to look beyond the names.

My main issue with them is that they allow for taking down websites based solely on allegation. I was shocked when I found people who thought it was a good idea. I can understand their thinking in a way, allegation is the first step in prosecution but there's a lot of other steps between that and deciding whether the accused is guilty or not. These acts simply give organisations the ability to decide whether a website is illegal or not based solely on their own decision. This in turn gives an organisation a very scary ability. It is now allowed to define what is right and wrong and always be right about it, without anyone having the right to argue their point.

What I found even more shocking is how some have said that while they can understand this point of view, this would not happen because an organisation of power would not abuse such power. This is a fair point since no organisation of power has ever been known to abuse their power.

I'm not really sure when reading George Orwell has stopped being a mandatory lecture in schools but apparently it did happen... either that or someone wasn't paying attention.

No, I don't see any of these as good ideas. They are a clear attack on culture, an attempt to stop people from engaging in it. Copyrighted material is used in speech constantly, talking about films and literature is a past-time between friends, modifying a still from a film as a form of a joke is funny, adding a clip from a film to your video review of it is expected by the viewers, drawing a character from a cartoon with your own hands is what makes people awe yet all of these are apparently illegal and you should be given a five year sentence to serve in prison for putting people out of their job.

This is really what this is about. The companies in the entertainment industry see their profits going down so they lobby to get laws like this passed. They think that by making it illegal for people to engage in their own culture, people will have no choice but to buy the culture they are producing. It doesn't matter whether the product they are giving is better or worse than the one someone else would offer, it only matters that the money goes to them.

So I think this Black March would be a good idea. I do actually like having books and DVDs. Enough so that I buy some on a monthly basis with the disposable income I have. I do want to support the people who are making the things I enjoy but then I am suddenly not allowed to even talk about it. It just doesn't make sense.

I did read an article once about how piracy has changed the entertainment industry. It argued that due to people downloading films, the movie industry doesn't want to invest in productions that they deem risky. In turn this causes the industry to invest in remakes and sequels. While this does make sense from a logical standpoint, it's just not the sort of impression I get from people. Whenever I talk about films, one of the most common questions I am asked is what sort of special effects are in it and what year is it from. This to me indicates that people just want special effects and care very little for the story or content of the film. Give people lots of Computer Generated Images and they'll awe at the brilliance of your film-making. Since this is apparently the main reason why people spend money on film, this is the main focus of film producers. And that has nothing to do with people downloading films.

In the end it all comes down to money and where it's going. A fact that is often forgotten is that you don't have to spend your money. I am amazed at how many people complain about spending their money on something they don't like (which was not a necessity) as if they had no choice in the matter.

Right now I don't like the attitude of the entertainment industry, instead of adjusting to live in this economy and this era, they try to halt our cultural progress. So I won't be buying anything in March and I hope enough people have heard about it so that this can actually work and someone can get a taste of the fear of their people...

Internet Visitors

A while ago I've added this nifty flag counter thingy to this here blog... it pretty much logs in a unique visit to this site and checks what country it originated from... and ever since I added it, it made me look at this little website of mine in a slightly different way.

Before now... I thought there's only like 3 or 4 people who look at this thing... I'm still surprised when someone tells me "I've read your blog entry"... so surreal!

I've assumed as much that most people who would be reading this  would be either from the UK or USA... my posts being mainly written in English... and my social circles being in most part from those places in the world...

What I didn't expect is seeing Poland on the third place... I have no idea how that's possible... I don't think I even know 28 Poles... and those I know, only a few actually speak English... so I was thinking maybe 3 or 4 visits... but no... I have to be popular like that... Dlatego też pomyślałem, żeby od czasu do czasu napisać coś po polsku...

Then comes Russia... I always knew they were spying on me... trying to take my secrets...

Next up: Belgium... I was there once... maybe I should go there more often... they seem to like me...

Netherlands... I like that name... nether... very nihilistic... no idea how they got here... I suspect a conspiracy...

Australia... all right... I knew someone from Australia... if this goes suddenly goes up... I'll have to assume I'm being haunted...

Norway! I know who you are!

Denmark -> it's a postman...

and then it gets very murky... there's only a few countries I know people from... and that's mainly in the positive range of numbers no higher than 1... Finland, Canada (ok, I know two people, but we haven't talked in ages), Austria, Argentina, Japan, Estonia, France...

Yeah... I know someone who lives in FRANCE...

I'm surprised to see Germany with whole 3 hits... es ist Wahr dass ich habe ein Freund die kann Deutsch sprechen... aber er kommt aus Österreich... vielleicht sollte ich auch ein bissen mehr auf Deutsch blogieren... "blogieren" ist das ein Wort in Deutsch?!

Final note: one hit from Spain... sabemos...

Gadu-Gadanie

(8:08:02 PM) 5004793: hej
(8:08:27 PM) 1979410: hello
(8:08:35 PM) 5004793: co tam
(8:08:55 PM) 1979410: tak sobie życie idzie do przodu...
(8:09:20 PM) 5004793: TO TAK JAK U MNIE
(8:09:25 PM) 1979410: lol
(8:10:43 PM) 5004793: masakra
(8:11:11 PM) 1979410: jaka masakra?
(8:11:33 PM) 5004793: to takie powiedzenie
(8:11:56 PM) 5004793: znasz Grzeska Sandomierskiego?
(8:12:03 PM) 1979410: no dobrze... ale dlaczego akurat tak mówisz?
(8:12:12 PM) 1979410: hm... nigdy o takim człowieku nie słyszałem...
(8:12:42 PM) 5004793: piłkarz jagielloni białystok
(8:13:01 PM) 1979410: to nic dziwnego że nie znam :P
(8:13:12 PM) 5004793: dlaczego?
(8:14:05 PM) 1979410: nie interesuję się piłką...
(8:14:25 PM) 5004793: aha a czym się interesujesz?
(8:14:55 PM) 1979410: bardziej książkami i filmami... komiksami też...
(8:15:31 PM) 5004793: aha
(8:15:44 PM) 1979410: nom
(8:16:31 PM) 5004793: a ja muzyka,siatkowka i te zainteresowania rozwijam...no i jeszcze piłka nożna,film i tv,moda
(8:17:22 PM) 1979410: cool...
(8:18:02 PM) 5004793: nom
(8:20:13 PM) 1979410: to co z tym Grzesiem?
(8:20:44 PM) 5004793: szukam do niego kontaktu
(8:21:16 PM) 1979410: why?
(8:22:56 PM) 5004793: bo mi się podoba
(8:23:03 PM) 1979410: lol
(8:23:23 PM) 1979410: a masz zdjęcie?
(8:23:48 PM) 5004793: mam fotke.pl
(8:24:02 PM) 1979410: a on jest na fotce?
(8:24:17 PM) 5004793: nie
(8:24:42 PM) 1979410: aaaaa... a ja się o jego fotkę pytałem, nie twoją :P
(8:25:15 PM) 5004793: a no to w google wpisz
(8:25:15 PM) 5004793: myślałam że moja
(8:26:04 PM) 1979410: eh... nie chce mi się go szukać... i tak bym nie poznał jak na zdjęciu grupowym jest...
(8:26:33 PM) 5004793: to na fb
(8:29:08 PM) 1979410: hm... taki sobie... nie w moim typie...
(8:29:33 PM) 5004793: byłoby coś z Tobą nie tak jakby był w Twoim typie
(8:29:42 PM) 1979410: a to czemu?
(8:30:03 PM) 5004793: no bo byś był gejem
(8:30:18 PM) 1979410: i to ma być "coś nie tak"?
(8:30:22 PM) 5004793: jakbyś gustowal w facetach
(8:30:55 PM) 1979410: czyli uważasz, że bycie gejem jest czymś nie takim?
(8:31:09 PM) 5004793: no
(8:31:37 PM) 1979410: I see...
(8:31:56 PM) 5004793: a jesteś?
(8:32:00 PM) 1979410: nie...
(8:32:18 PM) 5004793: to spoko
(8:32:43 PM) 1979410: mam kolegów którzy są... i jakoś nie widzę w tym nic złego...
(8:33:02 PM) 5004793: to już ich problem
(8:33:25 PM) 1979410: bardziej bym powiedział, że twój...
(8:33:41 PM) 5004793: ja nie mam problemu
(8:33:57 PM) 1979410: raczej już temu zaprzeczyłaś wcześniej...
(8:34:41 PM) 5004793: ja jestem jak najbardziej normalno-sexualna i to mi wystarczy
(8:35:30 PM) 1979410: jakoś niebardzo... jeśli musisz obrażać innych ludzi pod tym względem...
(8:35:48 PM) 5004793: ej no ale ja ich nie obrazam
(8:36:30 PM) 1979410: czyli prawiłaś im komplementy mówiąc, że jest z nimi coś nie tak i że ich seksualność jest ich problemem?
(8:37:29 PM) 5004793: ani nie obrazałam ani nie prawiłam komplementów,wyraziłam swoją opinię...koniec tematu
(8:38:05 PM) 1979410: nom... obraźliwa ta opinia... i to bardzo...
(8:38:31 PM) 5004793: opinia jak większość innych ludzi
(8:38:56 PM) 1979410: niestety... mroczne są nasze czasy...
(8:39:07 PM) 5004793: la vida
(8:43:48 PM) 1979410: to co poza tym?
(8:44:18 PM) 5004793: zagłosujesz na mój zespół?
(8:44:28 PM) 1979410: to zależy...
(8:44:36 PM) 5004793: od
(8:44:57 PM) 1979410: czy mi się spodoba...
(8:45:06 PM) 5004793: aha
(8:45:12 PM) 5004793: a jaką muzykę lubisz?
(8:45:26 PM) 1979410: metalową...
(8:45:42 PM) 5004793: aha no to raczej nie ten rodzaj
(8:45:57 PM) 1979410: tak myślałem...
(8:46:21 PM) 5004793: chyba że disco-polo też słuchasz
(8:46:28 PM) 1979410: no
(8:46:45 PM) 5004793: a kogo najbardziej?
(8:46:50 PM) 1979410: no one
(8:47:04 PM) 5004793: nie ma takiego
(8:47:09 PM) 1979410: I know...
(8:47:46 PM) 5004793: to jakiego
(8:48:15 PM) 1979410: żadnego... przecież powiedziałem, że nie słucham disco-polo...
(8:49:04 PM) 5004793: no to chyba znaczy tak
(8:51:58 PM) 1979410: not in English...
(8:52:19 PM) 5004793: w polsce jesteśmy
(8:52:35 PM) 1979410: może ty jesteś... ja to raczej niebardzo...
(8:52:59 PM) 5004793: no ja jestem
(8:53:12 PM) 1979410: trudno się mówi...
(8:53:25 PM) 5004793: la vida
(8:59:52 PM) 1979410: jeszcze coś?
(9:00:04 PM) 5004793: nada
(9:00:11 PM) 1979410: cool...
(9:00:27 PM) 5004793: ciao

Life Goes On

When I was finishing high school I had a Livejournal. At the time, the blog was my means of communication with all the people I knew and now that I don’t have internet at home, it can serve that purpose again.

It’s strange how without internet I am not really talking with anyone outside of work. On one hand that’s fairly normal. People are busy with work and life in general. It can be really hard finding a free slot in two schedules to meet up to chat. Getting more than two people together can be even harder. While instant messengers just let you do your own thing while talking to people. No internet pretty much means I’m not socialising when I’m filling in forms, going through notes or writing down ideas. I can’t say it bothers me that much. Life is actually quite good in general.

I’m quite happy I’ve got a job. Working at Burger King might not be all that noteworthy but it does make me feel better about myself than sitting at home 24/7 and just going through study notes. The simple change that I have income of my own has helped the relationship with my dad tremendously. We don’t get into arguments as often as usual. I don’t feel like I have to throw away everything I’m doing whenever he tells me to do something else and then get shouted and cursed at for approaching the task in a way he would not. It actually feels like he’s a lot more supportive as of late.

The room I’m staying at is expensive but it’s quiet and I have a desk. Just being able to sit down comfortably to work makes a huge difference. Writing is so much nicer that way. The best part, I think, is that I can focus on what’s going on in my life rather than feel like I’m expected to be a caretaker/wife to the benevolent landlord who graciously lets me stay at his home if I take care of it while he can drown his sorrows in alcohol.

Problems are ever present, as always, but right now they feel more like obstacles on a racecourse rather than the Goliath. I’m glad I can fall asleep without locking my door again and that life is moving with a much nicer pace than it used to.

Gay Cucumbers

Here is a conversation I had today (technically yesterday) on Gaia. It lacks the quote formatting but I think it's still easy to follow...

BLACK METAL MAYO b banned

If they say other wise.. Well.. They're a fucking liar. Or a faggot. In which case throw holy water on them and tell them to quit shoving cucumbers up their ass. :{ Those are for salad, not for butthole penetration.

Lunatyk5

one doesn't contradict the other

BLACK METAL MAYO b banned

I don't speak your language.
i'm sorry.

Lunatyk5

it's okay... I forgive you...

BLACK METAL MAYO b banned

What the fuck?
I don't recall this.
You word twisting crafty little jew.

Lunatyk5

I think you need to start taking a lot of pictures... but that's okay... I can make you a cucumber soup to make you feel happy

I haven't made a proper entry in ages... partly because I spent the time moving posts from Livejournal to this place... and partly because I'm trying to stop posting how negative I feel about absolutely everything...

so without making this post deeply philosophical and negative, let's have a look at what's buzzing in my head

I started to regularly play on Saturdays. The games alternate between Scion run by me (The Stoicheion Pentagram) and In Nomine not run by me. Same group for both, the GM of In Nomine is a cool guy, like the rest of the group... it's a relaxing experience and it actually gives me energy to be more productive during the week... strange...

I'm writing up a play report from those Scion sessions, which goes very slowly. Especially this week when I have to deal with writing a literature review for Higher Education...

The research projects aren't going too bad, even though I keep hitting myself on the head for not making more progress than I'm doing. I keep feeling like if I were to stop being lazy, I would have it all done by now... even though the due dates are in June... but that's me being me...

United We Stand goes well. We had a rough patch earlier this month but it seems like we prevailed, once again. I'm really proud of that game... I even make a wiki for it on Obsidian Portal and put there what I had in my notes. It's not much but I hope my players will contribute, it's a wiki, right? I'm summarising the threads and building up a network for the wiki pages but it's going even slower than The Stoicheion Pentagram.

Another thing that I'm working on is making posts for Alea Iacta Est. How fast am I making them? The last post, about 700 words, I wrote up in two weeks... and I can type fast... funnily enough, since I posted a link to the Blog Carnival, my traffic went up to 21 views yesterday... I have some other posts saved in drafts, only one is finished and it's really short...

including the super secret project (which had a little setback that the Team is trying to destroy), it may seem like I am focusing too much on roleplaying related stuff... I don't think so, most of my time is still spent studying... I just don't feel any confidence in my research projects... I might be even focusing too much on one project at the expense of my other two...

My heart really isn't in studying right now. I don't know why, I never felt this down about it in my life... I'm sure I get over it, I'll read and write what I'm supposed to and get whatever grades I get... it's just the next step that's really scary...

There's a DnD 4th Edition day tomorrow at the Roleplaying Club I go to... now I'm wondering if I should go... I just don't feel like I deserve it...

Will I ever stop being this much of a workaholic? Unlikely...
Will I ever stop being such a wuss and cry-baby? Even less likely...

BookMooch is cool

I have just received my first book from BookMooch. It's the first book in the Victoria Nelson series Blood Price and I wanted to check it out since watching Blood Ties... it came from Germany... I wasn't sure if I'd like BookMooch that much since I enjoy having books on my shelf but now at least I have a way to get rid of unwanted books without destroying them... too bad the site isn't so good when it comes to grabbing popular titles... nor is it that good when you're not from the United States but that's nothing new on the internet...

Since we're on the subject of books... apparently, having a book on twentieth century short stories means I might be interested in cookbooks...

That's the Internet for You

People on the internet are so easy to annoy...

Just tell the the truth and their opinion and suddenly it's all
oh noes, this is my thread not yours post what I want! It's mine, mine, mine!

Reminds me of all those times I was thrown out of playgrounds because it apparently belonged to some other kids...

eh, I need to take a break from the internet anyway... considering I need to work on a couple assignments and I'd like as much done as possible these next weeks...

and now, since it's 1am, I'll try to actually get some sleep!

NaNoWriMo Fail

I have to say that my current workload just won't allow me to tackle NaNoWriMo this year. It's mostly because of studying but writing for Asylum, running Exalted and Changeling The Lost, the secret project, taking part in a podcast, translating poetry, trying to write some blog posts for my RPG blog project, being more social and trying to get into the habit of relaxation isn't helping...

So yeah, can't go with NaNoWriMo at all this year... at least I have that Class Deceased book project to work on, if I ever finish it. Since last year, it didn't move in any direction at all. That needs to change! I'm unhappy with myself so I'll take what little time I have to work on it. I'll also use my Deviant Art page for all those writing/art stuff, but if you've subscribed to my FriendFeed, you'll only notice a content change.

I wonder if you guys even use that FriendFeed of mine...

Slightly Occupied

As weird as that may sound, the between countries teleportation wasn't all that bad... I still can't believe it went well...

Unfortunately, I don't have the time to do a full account of it. I'm just posting now in case you're wondering what's going on with me.

Last few days were spent on catching up with my internet presence, which included reading all your blogs, my YouTube subscriptions and some Lifehack...

I would like to say that I decided to redesign the way I blog. As you may know, I have a dozen accounts on various websites, some of them I put stuff to and since they have RSS (feeds are awesome!) I was able to combine them in FriendFeed into one big FEED that would show you everything I post... that way I will cut my blogging amount because I won't have to write the same thing to blog after blog and I could organize what I write to where I post.

This blog for personally introspective cogitating on the workings of the unknown universe and Twitter for short OMG! and Life-Sucks! posts (I'll probably leave my bitching on MySpace)... but that's not all! It also shows what sites I bookmark on delicious and what internet resources I Digg, what I favourite on YouTube (and I hope it will also show what I upload, that needs testing), it will give you photo links to my Flickr and what books I added to my inventory on LibraryThing...

I am pondering making a blog on Wordpress for my reviews (those that I wanted to do every Friday) and a blog on RPGs... they'll be added to the feed too...

So... you can either follow this blog where I just talk, add this and that to your RSS reader (if you're using one) or just pick up FriendFeed to get it all in one go... that way I won't bore you by putting everything and nothing in one place... and on my side, I won't be wasting time on writing the same thing again and again, I don't do copy&paste like that...

The Feed is here... seriously, I've got stuff to do, I'll write something more coherent and telling you what I'm doing later on... or make a list in the morning... I dunno, too many things to think about...

Death Follows in my Wake

My internet is dead and I'm having issues with the provider who is being annoying...

Now I need to go for classes, the normal schedule will return when I'll have it back, because honestly, I can't be online during my campus hours... and it's only those hours that I can access the internet at present...

Until next time!

I'm back!

Virgin Media seemed to have confused my account with an account previously placed here. They thought I didn't pay my share of the money, naturally it took them two calls from me and two engineers to figure that much out.

As a side note, I think I'll give it a rest with all those daily one liners. I'm too thoughtful when it comes to writing and I enjoy thinking so when I make a one liner, it just feels fake... So there will be less posts from me but on the other hand, they should be more interesting... at least I hope so...

it's 8 PM and I feel like I'm going to collapse... I shall sleep now and when I arise in the morning, I shall work on my essay...

Webcam Frustration

For some unknown reason my webcam stopped working properly. I tried reinstalling everything, I played around with it and it just refuses to cooperate. Every file saved has misplaced sound, so badly that I can't just move it so it fits the first 30 seconds because then it won't fit the last 30 seconds. I need to cut it into tiny pieces and then move it around... it's time consuming and annoying like hell... here you can see how a recorded video looks like before I do anything with it...

I Rant Thee

There's always something wrong going on... I'm behind on keeping in touch with people, blogging, game updating, writing and studying... it's not that it's too much for me, I can deal with it all and still have the time to read a book or post on the forums but with not having a laptop for a week my sleep pattern just plain died under the attack of extreme anxiety. It didn't help I had a week off school afterwards, I only get depressed about not going to university and frankly, the time I went to class this Monday put a sincere smile on my face.

It's slightly pathetic to actually like studying more than being around people and going out on a drink but I can't say I care that much. I do need to gather myself up because without a pattern of things to do I'm a mess that just gets piled up on things that I should be doing. Like making my room not being a mess, I guess I'll put some time off my usual IM schedule. At least I have some more money to spend thanks to a bursary arrival, which means I can relax a bit in the kitchen cooking... even if the kitchen looks awful... I am a guy, and as such I hate cleaning but that doesn't mean I'm incapable of keeping my living space clean... in fact, it's easier to just wash the dishes after the meal and make sure nothing spills from your cup of tea on the floor rather than cleaning everything each week, for which I plainly don't have time... I really need to be living alone for once in my life.

I haven't written anything in quite a substantial amount of time... so here goes nothing...

I'm now a Godfather and I have in plans making a video with pictures of the event... I'm amazed at how my mind is able to go from not knowing why I joined YouTube due to not having any ideas for videos to having a dozen ideas just by making one video... my creativity astonishes even myself...

Shortly after the Orthodox Christmas (which I could finally spend with my family unlike the previous year) I went back to England. Naturally, my laptop was somehow misplaced at the repairs so I had nothing to work on for a week. This was during assignment month thus it caused a lot of angst and anxiety to gather. There were computers I could work on in the university's library but I hate the atmosphere there...

With the start of the New Year, I begot a new project. Vampir's Writing Monthly which is a mere list of email addresses to which I send out some of my writing each month. I originally intended it to be just for the selected few of whom I knew they'd enjoy something like this. After a while, I decided to change that and put up a thread about it... suddenly I have 30 people on my list... now this is really going to make me write regularly.

After I regained my laptop it was not so difficult to get myself into the essay writing mood. Thus I've created an essay analysing language use in a lego catalogue and another on the whole polysemy vs monosemy of modal verbs in English semi-flamewar... I can't say I'm proud of either but they were the best I could come up with considering the circumstances.

I'm noticing that I really do not fit into the Polish RPG community. They are focused on rules to the extent I find plainly degrading. I always found that the moment you apply physics and whatever laws you can think of into a game, you stop playing it... and a roleplaying game is kind of pointless if you aren't playing it... This of course makes writing for the websites a bit harder... I guess my view of rpg rules is more in terms of guidelines rather than laws, it might be an incorrect view but with the way people regard me when I'm making a new game or running one, I come to believe I'm doing what I'm supposed to do.
Making a game enjoyable...

I've created a Scion game called The Second Age of Myth. It sort of becomes my theme for my games to attract attention. I'm amazed when I'm telling someone I'd rather not see them in this game due to how they left one I was running previously and instead of being offended and telling me off, they calmly explain themselves and say they really want to be in my game because of my storytelling. I know this is going to sound egocentric, but I'm really glad people enjoy what I create... and want to see more...

Apparently, since I find this to be funnier than this, I'm immature and not intelligent enough to laugh at jokes above farts...

My sister sent me DVDs of One Piece... 133 episodes... I think I may be in Heaven...

Happy New Year

Although the year started with a smile, my mood is quite foul now. I'm too depressed to care about anything, which is quite bad considering I have assignments to do soon. Without a laptop, I'm getting so bored here that my mind just shuts down... I shall be going through hell when I'll get back to England...

Naturally, other events aren't making things any better!

I was given a translation of poems worth 60 pages and for now I'm just correcting little mistakes (like loose instead of lose). I do this because the translation has some lines that I just cannot agree with (anymore none still ???). The translator started talking about how he tried to translate the rhythm of a poem... but I'm getting an impression he forgot about the sense of a poem... I'm going to talk about it with the Director first because from our short conversation, it feels like the translator in question considers me inferior. He kept on talking on how translations are made as if lecturing me... and here I'm supposed to write an opinion about his work... not a good start.

I might be doing some translation work, for which I am glad, but now I have the inevitable problem of money. I just don't care at this point in time as to how much I will earn and it's incredibly annoying when my father keeps asking me about money as his first questions, like all my family cares about is whether I'll earn money or not... I guess this is what an artist often feels like...

I have no idea when my first poetry tome will come out but it shouldn't be more than a year.

I recently learned that my aunt had a miscarriage while I was in Britain.



As for the good things,

I'm a Godfather... fear me and my apprentice! I will have pics of me in a suit soon enough...

As part of the these New Year promises people seem to keep making, I'll try to blog even more! So expect to see me on sites such as...
Frappr
MySpace
OkCupid
Student Central
TV.com
YouTube
Yes, I'm insane... I think those are all my accounts with a blog function... I'm digitising myself even more!!!

Long Time no Post

I'm amazed, it's been getting increasingly busier for me with each passing second. I have to admit that I kinda like it since I always been the organising type.
Now, what have I been doing?

Naturally, tending to my 3 online games and having this idea for a Scion game but I'm afraid I just won't have time for now. I'm happy with how Lost in Miami is turning out and am a bit worried about United We Stand, as for St Christopher's Orphanage, it's only natural that it goes slow as most of the players have to deal with university applications if my memory serves right.

Another RPG related stuff is me writing up an NPC (Seven might remember it from the MSN game we had a long, long time ago...) for Oneiros and now I need to modify my Cyberian Lineage Version-PL so it actually is in Polish. Apparently, I'm better in English than in my primary language. From now on I'll be writing in Polish and then translating things into English, that way it should be a purer version of Polish and I won't look like such an idiot. I had to write a review of World of Darkness too and I have to say that I hate writing reviews. I wrote one but apparently it needs to be made differently so back to the drawing board!
I normally would not write something I don't like writing, but as long as I get a Free Book, I'm willing to go the extra mile.
Since I started talking about my texts and what mistakes are being done, I have to wonder time and time again why the person behind Oneiros asked me to join... doesn't make sense...
I would like to take the time to thank Wyrm for the editing he did of my Cyberian Lineage. Even though I am competent with the spelling, proof-reading of your own work doesn't give the same results as doing the same to someone's else.

Since we are on the topic of writing, I don't think I can participate in NaNoWriMo this year. I'm just too annoyed with the so called tips people are giving. I know it's about word count, but even though I'm not the best writer on the planet, I am not going to actively try and write just for words. I will write the way that I know is best even though it might not be a universal excellence. Even failure of not reaching the 50k word count is nothing compared to producing a novel I would know people would not like. I am critical of my work, everyone knows I'm never satisfied with my work so I try to take it to the next step all the time and I cannot change that in any way. Either I'm going to write a good piece of fiction or none at all.

Naturally, I told a few of you that I will let everyone read what I created for this month. Unfortunately, since that's not happening, I have a different solution. Once a month I will send out an email to interested individuals. It will contain an attached .doc file with a short description of what's the piece about. That way, if you don't like a particular subject, you can just not read it and anything that might interest you will be open for perusal. Much like Wyrm's Sunday Music but for the literate! It will most certainly contain such things as poetry, novel chapters, short scene descriptions (something like a cool scene idea intended for practice), stories, rpg-related fiction, etc. All coming out of the depths of my dark and twisted mind.
Yes, there will be some pr0n in there too!

On Thursday I have the Open Mic Night at our University. Naturally, as I did get one of the highest poetry entry scores last year, I'm expected to come and defend the title. Now I'm heading to the stage where I'm not following the standard but creating it!
Still, the prospect of reading it aloud petrifies me...

Lastly, it's less than a week before I go to London and see such fine individuals as Deoq, Insane Prophet and Revamp. Thus hitting DragonMeet 2007!

Online Game

How warm it must be
for Summer to rule
over scorched land
and the boiling sea

With Spring exiled
Autumn in fear
and Winter hidden
Will the Summer
ever end?

Shall Anger rule
in the streets
and hearts
until nothing's left
but false souls?

What will you do
when They come
for you...

The Freehold of Miami is in a difficult position.
Grandfather Thunder, the Summer King, has taken control over the city in a coup, banishing the Spring Queen, defeating the Autumn Court and making a truce with Winter. Although he claims the city's affinity for Summer will create a stronger barrier against the True Fae than the cycle of seasons, since the disruption, the number of missing people rose significantly.
Could this be a coincidence or are the Others really coming?
The fae are getting nervous. Many people talk, rumors are being spread out. Some fear another war among their kind but the rest fears the Others even more than death.
Are you going to fight or will you wait patiently for your Keeper to come take you back... home?

Lost in Miami

Note: You will need to have an account on RPoL to participate in the game...

Vampir in Waiting

December for DragonMeet and January for Examination Week... fun... I normally wouldn't be worried about the examinations but there's one subject which I just can't stand, because of the tutor. Apparently I plagiarised my essay, not giving proper references and stuff... naturally, I'd go meet with the tutor and discuss the issue so it doesn't happen again, since I don't want to take responsibility for something I'm not doing and is apparent because my style of writing can be very academic... my friend even told me that when I explain things, it sounds like I'm giving dictionary definitions... but of course, this particular tutor just doesn't shut her mouth, which means that anything I'll ask her about, she'll bring it in front of everyone... even now she is plain rude to me and my friends, telling us "I hope you'll make 3 different essays" because their essays were too similar to each other... and I'm included because they are the ones I can relate to the most... "relate" in my case means we work together during class... we go out sometimes, but not as much as some people... yes, I think it's highly rude of a tutor to bring up personal things about a person to the public because the tutor is bored...

Another thing I don't like about her is how she makes assumptions about people. She accused me of not taking any books from the library because I don't remember the names of 2 books taken out the other day... There are people on the course who I don't remember their names, and I sit with them for a year now... I'm just not good at remembering names... way too abstract...

Aside from that little rant, I made a catalog of my books...

Before I forget, I'm also waiting for Oneiros to start, which shall be a World of Darkness website run by the head translator of that line for the Polish market. It's going to be in two languages, so you can visit it sometimes...
Especially since I'm in the writing team for it! I didn't even ask, I just got an email asking if I want to join... naturally, I accepted and there I am... if you ever written anything World of Darkness related and put it on the internet, I will ask about translating rights just so it can be put there, thus bringing more joy to the community at large!

I'll probably should translate that Sarmatae Bloodline, write up a Ghost Guides Legacy and that Promethean write-up I was asked to do over at a World of Darkness Azylum site...