A Moment of Respite

I swear, every time I plan to post here regularly, something inevitably stops me from engaging in blogging... but that's a subject for another topic.

I would much rather begin by stating that I've recently been on nearly a month worth of holidays and despite not going anywhere beyond the city limits, I had quite an enjoyable time. Since returning to work I found that people are shocked to hear I didn't go abroad as they believe there is nothing to do in Brighton.

That's certainly not true.

I love this city specifically because there is a myriad of activities you can engage in provided you've got the time and means, which my time away from work gave me plenty of. Here are some highlights from those weeks.

The Good

Let's start with some good points first before moving on to the worse aspects of these eventful weeks.

I've attended all my usual classes and activities without feeling that I'm overexerting myself. Attempting to have a life beyond sitting at home while working six days a week can get difficult so a period of time when I could do everything at my own pace was a nice change.

I can't believe how social I've been. Other than my regular outing to the RP Club, I've met with people from the club for lunch and had days spent playing games with them. I've been hanging out with various friends, even working out with some at the gym.

I've played an insane amount of games. I finally started Apocrypha, a game I've been looking forward to playing since 2015! (Its release was delayed a lot.) I've had people over to play with, I went to people's places to game and I even played in a gaming shop.

Despite never considering myself a social person, I ended up with day after day of spending time with other people. It was a crazy ride but I can't say I regret it. One of my friends even invited me to a sword fighting class which I attended three of. I did not think I would enjoy practicing with a longsword so much that I'd like to go there more regularly.

The most important bit of news, however, is that during this recent holiday period I've finally received my citizenship so now I'm officially British... and thus, I can legally drink copious amounts of tea.

The Bad

As busy as I was throughout those weeks, I haven't done as much as I've planned on doing.

Areas of my living space suffer from neglect and disorganisation, I intended to do some spring cleaning but failed to get round to it. I wanted to go over my finances and do some adjustments based on my spending habits as evidenced by the pile of receipts I haven't typed into my Excel sheet. While I tried some new recipes, it was nowhere to the extent I was going for and even my miniatures went untouched by my brush. I couldn't focus on reading nor did I have the creative energy to pour into blogging and roleplay session write-ups.

I thought that having three weekends off, I could go to some sewing classes that they usually hold on Saturdays but I couldn't muster enough energy to start something new. Instead, I went to a Character Design Workshop that lasted a few hours but I was fairly disappointed by it. I didn't even open my jewellery making set which I didn't want to use for the past year as I was saving money and silver does consume money when you actively use it.

Before I move onto the next aspect of my holidays, I must preface it by admitting that I'm not an emotionally strong person. When the below happened, I broke down severely and couldn't always keep myself together. Especially when I was by myself. My failings over those weeks off stemmed mainly from this.

The Ugly

As I've mentioned previously, I've received British Citizenship. Over the course of my time off work, I was required to attend a ceremony to be presented and given said certificate. Since my parents helped me out financially get to this point, I invited them to the ceremony as guests. I did not hear from them for two weeks when I found out that they wouldn't be coming.

A few months back, during the change of the year, my dad contacted me about an issue he had. His previous employer didn't cover his parking receipt while he was driving the company's lorry. He asked me if it's legal, to which I replied that I didn't know. Later he sent me some legal webpages to read through which I couldn't fully understand because they required further contextual reference which I lack and because during the Christmas period I work very long hours, to the extent I had to leave work early one day because I started having trouble walking.

I didn't fix his issue which may have costed him £30.

My parents couldn't attend because my dad feels I'm ignoring him and acting as if he's not there. He's jealous of my relationship with my mother so she's no longer allowed to talk to me. The discussions with my mum that I had after finding this out were excruciating. I've always had a difficult relationship with my father. He's only ever tried contacting me when he needed something and when I couldn't deliver, he'd guilt trip me. There were years when we wouldn't speak until something serious happened, like his heart attack or his father's death, that got me to talk to him again... but no matter what, it always boiled down to me being treated like his personal assistant rather than a family member.

I seemingly couldn't explain this issue to my mother. She kept asking me to reach out to him, to make that first step towards having a better relationship between us, completely ignoring that I had done it three times already. I told her that all the things she was telling me I should have been hearing from him rather than simply being ordered around and disregarded as a person. When I suggested he should contact me, for once, to talk about how we can work on having a better relationship, I was told he wouldn't do that.

At that point, I felt completely shattered, even more so when I heard that nothing would have gone wrong if I had just done as I was told. As a child, I felt unwanted, and as an adult, I feel used and manipulated. Whenever I tried raising these issues, I was told that wasn't how I felt. While I would love to have a good relationship with my family, I no longer believe in one-sided relationships so I also had to let go of this one.