Greed

One of the most common advice people give me is that I need to find a better job.

These are words that I question on a regular basis. I can understand why people have this desire for a 'better job'. Some want to be fulfilled in their career. They want to be respected in their chosen field and engage with it on a regular basis. Others want to be paid enough to further their other goals in life.

For me, work has never been about living. I simply chose my career path and got the required qualifications because I believed I would have been good at it. I wanted to have a decent job so that I could comfortably pursue my other dreams... but last year I had to face the harsh reality that my dreams were folly and there's nothing I can do about it. I suppose I'm still grieving over it in a way.

When I made the decision to stop fooling myself and break the shackles that were keeping me from moving forward with my life, I was hoping that some new desire will pop up and I would pursue it as my life's goal. That didn't happen.

I don't drink, I don't smoke and I don't like prolonged exposure to crowds so I don't spend any money to go out. I get my energy from reading and gaming. Unfortunately, I have full stacks of books I haven't read and games I haven't played so my financial motivation remains extremely low. Despite having a job that most people I work with despise and want out as soon as possible, I find myself with a roof over my head and bread on the table. I don't need to live in a palace or eat caviare to survive. These things don't matter to me.

Someone once told me she wished for me to have a job I'd be good at because she hates to see people waste their potential. In my case, I don't see a difference. Whatever job I have, my personal needs are low enough that I don't need much of an income. Neither do I want my career to define who I am. Whether I have a successful career or none at all, the same problem remains.

I don't know what to do...