Part of me tells me that I should just give up on the internet. Roleplaying, posting, cataloguing, etc. is just a distraction that I could live without. That without the internet, life would take on a glorious turn for the better! A lot of people my age, who now have jobs, lots of friends and/or are thinking of marriage have spent their lives outside of the internet.
In theory it sounds quite right. There are times when I throw the internet away as if it was a mere gewgaw. It gets in the way of writing essays and other academic projects. However, without it I would be so much less than I am now.
I saw wonderful sites that made my imagination flow like a raging river. I read so much in English because of it that the level of my written English is indistinguishable from a native speaker. I met people for which there is no appropriate adjective found in the languages of the living nor the dead. It opened career opportunities I never thought existed. It even changed the thought of seeing the world with my own eyes from a dream into a future reality. I might even say it opened my mind's eye so I could look at abstractions hidden behind the mundane surface.
At the same time, it made me grow into a secluded person. A skinny little geek more interested in what who is your favourite author rather than your bra size. I seek to have interesting discussions where most want to move around and drink themselves into a stupor. I'd rather go on a lecture than visit the local pub. Because of this I lack a lot of social skills that most already have and although I can be a great manipulator after I know someone, I always feel left out whenever I'm around people, knowing they have experiences denied to me by virtue of who I am.
I suppose it's becoming part of life that I feel this way.
Every now and then that feeling of stagnation and rotting hits me, maybe that's why I clad myself in the portents of death. So that I could lessen that hole in my heart for as long as there is no distraction to fill it with...
No comments:
Post a Comment