Stab!!!

The strangest thing happened to me yesterday. Since the day before, my right middle finger hurt every time I touched something with its tip. The next day I noticed there was a red area reaching from the fingernail up to where the finger has a joint. What was even more peculiar was the fact a small part of skin next to the nail turned a weird colour, something between sickly green and yellow. Thus I did what every sensible youth would do, I got a needle and poked my finger.

I noticed the red area had increased in sensitivity, but the blood was normal. However, when I poked the yellowish area, the first layer of skin was utterly dead and when I took the needle out, a yellow substance oozed from beneath. My curiosity has increased and if I had a way to preserve the substance, I'd probably look at it through a microscope. But my tools were left at my mother's place. I had to remove the substance, after which I proceeded to make tiny holes at the edges of the dead skin in order to remove it. It has healed nicely overnight.

I couldn't sleep this night. I went to bed at my normal time and slept for 3:30 hours before I woke up and couldn't fall asleep. Thus I opened the laptop and posted some stuff on the White Wolf forum. When I felt sufficiently tired, I went back to sleep, but I only managed to sleep for 2 hours before waking up because of the heat. I thought "screw you, warmth!", took out my laptop, posted on White Wolf and Shadownessence, talked to Weregoat and Exmiscellanea (who bashed me with a ton of books to get) while finishing up the Bloodline.

The Sarmatae Bloodline can be found on the White Wolf Vampire The Requiem Forum, on Shadownessence Vampire The Requiem Forum and on my website, if you want to check it out. It's the first Bloodline I wrote so don't expect much, it doesn't even have a unique Discipline because I just don't think it is necessary. It's probably going to go unnoticed, but I posted it there anyway...

I have finished reading Bitten. It is a very sexy werewolf novel, and I learned a new word "(his) hardness". Now I'm still waiting for Changeling: The Lost, which apparently wasn't yet shipped to me! Irritating this is. I'll use the time I intended for reading the book today to either proceed with proof-reading The Rotten Apple or thinking up stuff for that Ghost Guide Legacy. Now I have to hope that none published material had a Legacy of Mages which was based on the old custom of giving ghost a means to move on.

On the good side, I received letter of confirmation that my 2007/2008 tuition fees shall be paid, so I have another year of studying to look forward to. At the same time, I'm a bit afraid it's going to be more demanding than the first, but am glad that there won't be such a focus on parties.

Ninja Kitten Approach!!!
You wanna piece of meow?
Food!!!
This is my land...
Yo, whatcha mean some got the catnip?

I really hope I won't fall asleep during the day...

Here be Kittens!

Life's a bit slow lately. I just keep on waiting for everything.
16th - Changeling: The Lost release
25th - Sister visits
2nd - Trip onto the farm
For now I won't be looking for work since I'll just be unable to attend if I find one, but I'll resume as the academic year starts. Most of the day I just sit in my little room and read.

I've began to make initial research into a Bloodline idea I had lying around for ages. Basically, it's a Ventrue Bloodline called Sarmatae which is obsessed with their superiority over others due to lineage and physical prowess. Not going to make a custom Discipline, they'll just get Vigor, there's enough Disciplines out there already. Cool powers isn't what a Bloodline is about. I'm not all that familiar with Bloodlines in general, but it's going to be a localised Slavic Bloodline, so I don't think I'll have to worry about writing something that's already been written.

I've also finally started working on proof-reading the Rotten Apple and am 9% done. Which isn't that low considering all the text in Times New Roman size 12 is 75 pages long. I've told Deimos_Masque in March I'll do it, and am a bit embarrassed that I've only managed to get over with everything to do this now. I can only hope he'll forgive me...

My sister has been sending me some pictures from the farm (kittens specifically), and Seven demanded them to be posted. Thus over the days I'll slowly reveal the pictures... which I have 27. Here are the first five. They have been edited to just show the cats and sized down so it won't be so hard to see like that car I posted a while ago.

The cats are eating

A closer look at hungry cats

Grandmother cat is not pleased with spying on their meal

Spotty (Pieguska) sees you!

Purr (Mruczka) wants some attention too!

In the lands of RPG

It's getting closer and closer to the première of THE NEW WORLD OF DARKNESS GAME!!!! Otherwise known as Changeling: The Lost. For some reason, I am given signs that setting up a game would be good. So I'm toying with the idea a bit. Now, in the Beowulf panel at Comic-Con, Neil Gaiman mentioned this concept of the so-called bullshit cast, which is basically the writers saying who would play what without thinking if those actors would even want to. So I'm thinking I'll do the same, here and now, for the game. I'll just list a nickname and why I'd like this particular person in a game storytold by yours truly.
Before I start, I'd like you to know that if I don't mention you, that only means I either don't know you as a player well enough to make a judgement or I have significant reasons to believe you wouldn't be interested or not having enough time on your hands.

Changeling: The Lost BS Cast
in alphabetical order

AfroHead - Although a beginner, he posts like a veteran roleplayer and is a regular poster.
AstraKiseki - This woman posts with a maddening speed, and I'm quite pleased with her characters (notice the plural) in United We Stand.
Deoq - No Changeling game is complete without the butterfly-man. He would probably make something weird and fun for a character. He also writes excellent posts.
Etu - Posts regularly, very well written and able to keep up with me and Astra if needed, which is an epic feat in and of itself.
Revamp - Much like Deoq, he is imaginative and writes the longest posts possible... leads me to believe he is not fully human...
Weregoat - It's his fault that I am even considering this game. He is a stable player and would probably introduce some brutish but interesting character into the mix, and together with Revamp they'd make kinky bonus material for the game.
Kitin - Posts regularly and hasn't made me regret allowing her into the Orphanage game, imaginative and well-written posts and enough room to be mean to her character, causing emotional trauma!
Wyrm - If you don't know why, you should be ashamed of yourself! The mere presence of this man raises the whole coolness factor!

and since we are on the subject of roleplaying. I made some updates to my webpage recently.
I've made two characters while I was offline, Paul Miller (Mekhet Lancea Sanctum) and John Smith (Scion of Odin), and I've revised Gustaw (Ulgan), changing him from Cuprum to Argentum, mostly because he was made before the publication of the Refinement, and it suits him better.
As far as my webpage goes, I'm considering making something of an email subscription for those who'd be interested. This way you'll be able to keep up with all the things I do there (which aren't always rpg related, as seen by the recent Quotes update) and I hope it would motivate me to write some more fiction. I know some of you actually like my stories...

I live!!!

Life can be quite complex at times. So I'll try to break this entry into categories, because I feel like it.

General
I have recently found myself in a tricky position. The internet connection was shut down and for half a month I had no way to be online at my usual times. Which meant that I was out of the circulation and had to use the time in a different fashion, but on that later, let's talk about cooking first!

I found out that I love cooking. This sounds very lame considering that the most I cook is chop, fry and add sauce, I'd rather have some more complicated things but money and time don't allow for it. What would be really great is if I had someone to cook for, as is, I'm looking forward to my sister's visit and am thinking of what things to cook. I'll probably try that thing Harry did for MJ in Spider-Man 3, looked real nice. Cooking for myself is just not as awarding. My tastes are quite limited, especially when it comes to meat so most of the stuff I make is various chicken breast dishes (mostly with rice). My cooking must look weird since I hate the feeling of sticky liquids on my hands. I always use just the index finger, the middle finger and the thumb of my left hand to hold a breast as I cut it, carefully watching not to touch it more than I need to and washing it immediately after I'm finished. It might be a slight Obsessive Compulsive Disorder of mine, but at least it's not like I wash my hands seven times a day... I saw a documentary on such people and their skin literally cracks...

I stumbled upon an article detailing three aspects of a relationship. Sex (the physical act of copulation), Erotica (the sensual pleasures of the flesh) and Love (the more esoteric and emotional state of being with someone). After reading it, I think a lot of my issues spring from the fact that I am looking for Love in a relationship, while I feel as if all is about Erotica primarily... The article is not in a language you'd understand.

Family
My mother and my sister bought tickets and shall be arriving here at the end of this month. My mom will probably be picked up by dad who'll come down and might stay for a night, while my sister will stay with me for a week and a half. Which should be interesting, we plan on drawing, cooking, shopping and playing turn-based strategies (Heroes IV and Civilizations IV) together. Right now she keeps sending me photos of all the new kittens on my grandpa's farm.

We had a bit of a scare with my grandpa. He felt significantly weak these past few days. Of course he is old but for someone who can get himself dead drunk and still walk a few kilometres through knee deep snow in the middle of the night on his knees... him feeling weak is not a good thing, but I called him and that cheered him up. I suspect he is just being depressed by the fact I'm not on the farm...

Friends
I find it hard to befriend people, but there are a few instances where it is really worth it. I know I'm bad at keeping contact, but truth is, I just don't have enough things happening in life to make weekly updates.

I have emailed everyone, so if you didn't receive an email, something is wrong with your account (I'm looking at you, Seven!!!). It took me a while, 37 emails is a major feat, and most of the subjects where crappy ones like "hello", "hi" and the sort, but it's not like I made one big email and sent it to everyone...

Thanks for everything guys and gals.
Career
I've recently got word from Książnica Podlaska (my home library-publisher) that Mr Mieczysław Czajkowski really liked the translations of poems I made for him and wants to publish them. He first needs to find a sponsor, so we shall see if I get my name in yet another book.

Speaking of books, I have a hard time writing recently. Not that I don't have any ideas, I've got plenty and the more I think about a concept, the more subplots my mind adds. However, for some reason, I don't feel like writing prose lately. On top of that, I decided not to write poetry about love. I looked through my old ones, and it just seems like I'm some kind of masochist... lots of pain and angst and stuff... I shouldn't drag myself down like that. Thus even though ideas come, I discard them because of their topic.

I've recently spoken with Wyrm in German over ICQ and my German is horrible. I need to seriously learn the language. That way I can at least try for a teaching position in England. Which would give me enough money to live and by saving some, I'd be able to publish a book. Of course, I won't publish it in Britain, but I only need money to publish it in Poland. I can do it either in Polish and let it roam free or print a bunch in English, bring them back and start selling them on eBay or some such. (This is why people think of me as a planner, I just can't help myself but to make plans...)

Literature
I'm done reading The Vampire Lestat by Anne Rice and started to go through Bitten by Kelley Armstrong. Before continuing, I shall take a moment to do the following:

Magnificent Seven, although being a man of the written word, I find myself at a lack to describe the gratitude emanating from my bleeding heart for this gift you've chosen for my birthday, nearly two years ago. I loved the book and remain in your eternal debt.
(not payable by Mastercard, Maestro or Visa)

Ah, how I love to read such books. Very sensual and vivid, even though I have mixed feelings about the sex scenes in Bitten, I still like it overall.

Cartoons
Not many of you heard, but there will be a new Transformers cartoon. I think it's cool, most people think the style is awful and that it's going to suck. Then again, people always say that about new things. The only thing I was worried about is how they will make toys for this cartoon with those designs!? The panel at Comic-Con showed the prototypes of some and finished products of others and they look great. Soundwave turns into come kind of van-like car and has a guitar! That made me laugh... I'm really starting to like it but it comes out next year, so there's half of this one to go through with.

Other than that, I'm watching three ongoing Anime at the moment. Bleach is in filler stages, which is annoying but Naruto Hurrican Chronicles finally had the fight with Sasori and it's excellent, much better than Deidara vs Gaara. D.Gray-Man is going nicely, a bit slow but the plot thickens...

Series
No internet meant I had loads of time to watch series. So I finished what I had of Painkiller Jane and Raines. The first season of Ghost Whisperer and the first two seasons of Medium. Excellent stuff to watch but I quickly ran out of my stash so I finally picked up Prison Break, I have to say that from what I heard I expected something better, but I really like the whole portrayal of the prison environment.

Toys
I had one of those "you live only once" moments, so I bought Barricade, from the Transformers Movie which I haven't yet seen. The toy is excellent, I really like how the car and robot modes look and am impressed with the transformation sequence. It took me a while to get it right, to know what are the limits of all the joints without smashing them, it's crucial that you are gentle with these things, the paint on the sides (the words POLICE) are already peeling off. The transformation from robot to car is a bit tricky at the end. You have to put everything in just the right place and put enough pressure on the whole back to make it click and then it is excellent. It's hard because I don't want to break it!


Roleplaying
It's only a few more days for my pre-ordered copy of Changeling: The Lost to arrive. If it's cool enough, I might take that proposal from Weregoat and Rabbitpurr to set up a game on RPoL for them.

Speaking of which, the Orphanage game is going through the hiatus, apparently Deoq and another player are outside the internet range, while a third one is MIA.

United We Stand game is doing extremely well. One player said he'll be slower but right now he is in a solo thread with the rest being scattered around the Hundred Kingdoms doing some quests worthy of heroes. Our First Lunar NPC Solar Bonded to one PC has finally made an appearance, the Dawn is going travelling through the towns to make an army, while the rest is very close to fighting some demon kittens!

I've recently started a Werewolf: The Forsaken game in Polish, but one player seems to be ignoring it although he said he would post, without him it's down to two players, which is kinda bad. I'll have to hunt him down now...

I think I should read this book...

You're The Giver!

by Lois Lowry

While you grew up with a sheltered childhood, you're pretty sure everyone around you is even more sheltered. Suddenly, from out of nowhere, you were tapped on the shoulder and transported to the real world. This made you horrified by your prior upbringing and now you're tormented by how to reconcile these two lives. Ultimately, the struggle comes down to that old free will issue. Choose wisely.


Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

Faith, Belief, Religion and stuff

Today I shall be posting something that not all might accept and can potentially offend the living hell out of some... but the recent happenings at Seven's made me think, and as we all know, my thoughts can be twisted, controversial and repulsive to the mainstream population wanting to live in ignorance.

If anyone asked me, I'd consider myself a religious person. However, I hardly pray and go to church. Some people say that you can't be a religious person without being a practising person, in those moments I am reminded of Tartuffe by Molière. I don't have a cross or anything that would show I follow a certain faith but I always carry with me the icon of Saint Christopher, and yet, most people don't even know I have it. I don't like to show off my faith, not because I am ashamed of it, I'll tell anyone that I'm orthodox if they either ask or make a false assumption but I don't find it important to make others know what is the religion I follow. It's a personal thing, so I see little point in proclaiming it to the whole wide world on every occasion. That being said, I don't mind talking about it if people are willing to listen.

People who know me are most likely aware of me not liking Catholicism. This dislike comes from how John Paul II (Jan Paweł II) was seen in Poland, which is a highly Catholic country. For those of you who don't know, Orthodoxia doesn't have a Pope or any similar figure, the head of the church is Jesus, though we do have bishops who take care of specific areas. The problem with the Pope is that dogmatically he is not only the head of the church, but also the one who rules in stead of Christ. The Trinity dictates that God is Christ and Christ is God. Those two facts put together mean that the Pope is Divine, which is against the First Commandment. All would be well if not for the fact how true this applied to the Polish community where I was raised. No matter how much people denied it, it seemed they worshipped John Paul II more than anything else. There was one incident after his death where a congregation wanted a new priest because their current one threw out the Pope's image when people were praying to him... I personally think the priest had the right to do just that because the Pope is not the centre of Christianity.

Another thing is atheism, which is the belief in the non-existence of God (term used for simplicity's sake). I have encountered people who felt it insulting to call atheism a belief, which was quite awkward for me as I wasn't insulted by them thinking me a human (my opinion towards humanity is quite low). I suspect that such people think they know there is no God, yet I don't see how this can be true. Not just because I believe otherwise, but rather that I see a misconception of knowledge versus belief. In the film Constantine (2005), Gabriel told Constantine that in order to go to heaven he needs to believe in God. Constantine, enraged, said that he does, to which Gabriel had to point out he knows God exists as opposed to believing. Atheists have no greater knowledge of God than people of faith, so their knowledge is in actuality a belief.

Humans have the inherent tendency to believe, what that belief is can be anything, from a simple belief that you locked your door although you might not remember it for sure to believing in your spouse's faithfulness even when they go on trips without telling you why. As such, I cannot see how an atheist could be a person of no-belief, as that would deem such a person less human.

Having said that, I don't have enough experience with other religions to make a statement, neither would I say the things I write are true (they are just mad ramblings!). I don't even base an opinion depending on someone's belief, I am in equal measure friends and enemies with Catholics and Atheists alike...

Last thing I would like to say is how some people try to show how the concept of God doesn't follow logic. Since God is supposed to be omnipotent, omniscient, omnipresent and omnieverything, there can be very paradoxical questions derived from those notions. Then again, I don't see how anyone could expect God to follow the same rules as humanity. After all, none of us expects ants to have the same dress-code and table manners as human society, yet we can't accept the same for a being which is supposed to be higher than us just like ants are below. If God was to follow the same rules as people, he wouldn't be a God but a human just like everyone else. A simple solution for this is the fact that the aforementioned rules aren't just for humans but are universal, every object and being follows them as long as they are in this world. Which in turn would mean that God has a physical body and inhabits the same universe as we do, basically, that would mean we were created by an alien... that however would clash with the omnipresence. Religions tend to follow the concept of God's insubstantial nature and we don't know what rules are governing such a state. Saying that only certain rules would apply to God, brings the question of which rules are those and what criteria have to be taken into consideration.

The 9th Doctor said in Parting of the Ways (2) that absorbing the Time Vortex would change a Time Lord into a God and as seen in Last of the Time Lords, Time Lords can create paradoxes, so God shouldn't have a problem with it...

This is I speaking!

Have you ever had this sort of day where you just couldn't be bothered doing anything at all? If yes, you should be familiar with how my life currently looks like. Since I was unable to find a job I just kept having most of my time spent on doing nothing... I can't even concentrate on writing, watching shows or reading, this is how bored I am... I'll try to escape from my confinement tomorrow.

For once in my life, I want to have a week without any relationship related stuff. I just noticed that most of my poems are just about love, and that begins to disgust me even more. I want to go out without seeing pairs strolling around, I want to read a book without a lovely relationship somewhere inside, I want to watch a series without people going at each other with raging hormones. I feel like my emotional part is dying out, which is bad as that is where my inspirations come from most of the time. Even posts to forum games become harder to come by, while normally I write with the speed of wind...

My sister plans on coming round here to England. I hope I won't be forced to look for a place to live in July, which I am slightly worried about, but of course I was told not to. This comes from the simple fact that a sign saying "auction" is right out the door-step of this house, but the landlord who said he will give loads of notice if he decides to sell the house did not call any of the people living here. Thus one can only hope for the best.

Dad is still nagging me about going back to Poland because I couldn't find a job and am not doing anything as such. What he fails to see is that when I'll be in Poland I won't be doing much either and hey, maybe when I'll come back I'll be homeless and have my stuff thrown out on the streets. It's just annoying how much you can say NO without any effect on those who ask. It's like years ago when parents asked Krzyś what he would like for dinner and gave him what they thought he would like without giving any consideration to what he actually said... annoying... really annoying... not only that, but he suggests for me to try working in the company from last year. Let's see, work in a place where you mostly hear insults thrown your way on and off work and live with your father likely to get mad at you for him not listening to what I am saying or stay here and eat a sandwich a day... I'll take the sandwich.

Anyway, he bought a Peugeot 2006 for mum.