Although most people I know enjoy having them, unfortunately, I do not.
They remind me of the part of having a relationship that I struggle with the most.
I suppose having one now is an aftereffect of how I've been feeling lately. Work has truly thrown a monkey wrench into my precarious social life. It was already quite hard keeping one up while dealing with shift-work, working weekends and my own high emotional sensitivity. Most times when I managed to find the time for socialising, I couldn't hold myself together for long and had to leave fairly early on. In recent weeks, however, I've been spending well over forty hours a week at work which not only cut into my social life but also started to erode my personal life.
I hadn't had time to quiet down so I ended up overwhelmed by loneliness and that recent feeling of being unloved. I'm not sure what exactly brought it up. I only remember snippets like going to the shop in the morning to get some stuff for breakfast and suddenly feeling sad that I can never do this for someone else. One moment I'm at work, everything is fine and then I'm drowning in sadness, barely capable of staying afloat.When my recently acquired friends saw me, they tried to reach out but that only made matters worse. Paradoxically, when I'm feeling particularly lonely, what I truly require is solitude. It's nigh impossible for me to explain to people how alone I feel in a crowd so when I ask to be ignored, people refuse to do so, out of compassion, and I proceed to lose hold of myself even further.
I feel trapped by my work hours preventing me from developing professionally and socially, to such an extent that it's taking its toll on my psyche.
