Everything at Once

Once I thought I could manage one post a month, at a minimum, but that also proves to be too much at times. Last few weeks, probably closer to a month, have been kept me rather busy. At one point I even felt like my life became some kind of telenovela and I wished I could just skip a few episodes.

I've spent seven weeks in the flat next door living out of boxes. I unpacked very little because I knew it was temporary. My landlady tried to persuade me to rent that flat instead but I'm truly glad I didn't. At first I wanted to avoid it because it was bigger and thus more expensive. I didn't need further financial strain before I secured employment. Then it turned out that despite the place being bigger, it had some major downsides. The kitchen area was at least half the size as my current one, I couldn't fit my kitchenware neatly into it and the sink was made of easily stainable material. It was also smaller than my current one and the faucet didn't reach the middle of the sink where you'd be washing plates. The wooden floor was too slippery for Artemis to run around on so she avoided playing and when she did, it dulled her hind claws.

I'm glad I'm out of here... but I'm disappointed that in those 7 weeks, they only painted the walls a different colour. The floor is still creaking and uneven and I expect the windows are still going to make this place very cold come winter. At least I now have a bunk bed which created much needed storage space for my game collection.

I like that I found out I had to move back when she knocked on my door with a potential tenant who came in for a viewing. The following week I was moving my things while starting a new job. That also came as a surprise because I spent the previous week struggling with a recruitment agency who couldn't find me on their system despite signing up and then it turned out I had to provide additional documents and chase references for them before being given an assignment. Just when I thought all was lost, turns out they didn't send me an email with the start date so I started working a day later.

Starting a new job, while exciting, it's also tiring as there's a lot of information to absorb. Moreover, every day I got home and spent a few more hours moving my things. I thought a new tenant would be moving at the end of that week so I had to be fast about it but when I was done, it turned out he decided not to move in.

It was for the best because for another week, my landlady had trouble with the mattress she ordered for the flat. I spent two weeks in total living between flats. One was my living room while the other was my bedroom. During that week, my mum decided she had enough and came over during the day while I was at work. I wasn't happy about it, I told her as much, especially since I made it clear I had enough being taken advantage of by dad and wanted an apology at the very least on his side... but she also had enough of that issue between us destroying her relationship with me. She camped with my sister in front of my door for four hours waiting for me to get back so I at least got them some tea. Now we're working on re-connecting.

It's going well enough for now. They came over again recently, this time invited, we had dinner and played a game. I appreciate it that she's trying to be respectful but, apparently, I still need to remind her that I'm not here to fix their problems by pretending to be my dad and calling governmental organisations on his behalf.

Well, it's all done now and I'm slowly regaining my equilibrium. I'm settling into a proper routine around my work hours, getting up for breakfast, going to work and having the evening for myself. There's still a fair amount of organising around the house to do so some of my hobbies are suffering but that won't be an issue for long, I hope.

Different to the Core

The plan was to put these words down somewhere around the time a year had passed since the first Covid-19 lockdown announcement.

As it usually is the case with life, that didn’t work out as planned.

I wanted to sit down and reflect on this strange period of life because there are certain things I’ve noticed about myself when looking at other people's reactions. Alas, this same life stopped me from focusing on reflection by starting to get busy. Honestly, I should have seen this coming. Restrictions are being lifted so better job offers are starting to appear and I finally got to move to the flat next door.

I say “finally” because it was being renovated since February when it was supposed to take a few weeks. Between the intensified job hunt, moving my things and having Artemis meow sadly as all her things were slowly disappearing, I barely had any time to adjust. One evening my body gave up and I struggled through headaches and nausea. Fortunately, it was nothing lying in bed couldn’t fix.

I’m feeling much better now and although a significant portion of my belongings is still in boxes, I’m settled in well enough to gather my thoughts properly:

1 – People complaining about wearing masks are petulant children.

I’m unable to see them as anything other than that. Their bickering over how horrible it is to wear what amounts to a piece of clothing over their face is pathetic. I know from personal experience that the inconvenience of wearing a mask is nothing compared to wearing an actual gas mask. Those things are the stuff of nightmares, a simple fabric mask is barely noticeable.

2 – Although there have been negative changes to my lifestyle caused by the pandemic, I have been managing to go through it quite fine.

I’ve learned of people mentally struggling with aspects of life that were of no concern to me. This made me realise most people must truly hate my lifestyle. Suddenly, no one is going out to socialise and drink in a pub or club. Travel evaporated as people were confined to their homes. Some even only managed to go to a restaurant only twice last year. Seeing people having mental breakdowns over what amounts to my normal way of life was truly bizarre.

3 – The biggest change caused by this pandemic has been moving back to an online focused life.

I say “back” because it gave me a mixed sense of nostalgia and regression. I spent a lot of time working on moving away from an online existence which was my staple in high school and throughout my university years. Going back to my comfort zone was odd to say the least but I enjoyed spending time with my friends... at least at first. As time went on people were increasingly complaining about the way we were hanging out and the means we used to play games. I tried to ignore it because it was either this or nothing at all but after a few months, it soured my relationships with my gaming friends to an extent where I had to take a step back.

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I can’t say that I was unaffected by the pandemic. My career and personal development plans took such a massive hit, I often worry I may not recover from it but my mental health suffered little from being confined to my home… which is the place I look forward to going back to the most.

The main thing I can take away from the series of lockdowns is that now, more than ever, I see I’m not made for this “normal” that we had before them. As restrictions are easing and people are anticipating going back to “normal”, I’m not sure when I’ll be making the step to re-join the masses.

Week 10: We're Safe?

Everything is fine

Going outside is in many ways inevitable. I venture outside regularly in order to get my groceries done for the week. It's been two months since the lockdown was first announced. Cafés, restaurants and pubs, and the vast majority of shops are still closed. The few that are open have limits on how many people are allowed inside which causes queues to form outside with people spaced out about two metres between themselves. If not for this, you'd think the pandemic is over.

The moment you enter a store, social distancing becomes a thing of the past. The lack of crowds is the only thing that may remind you there's a crisis going on outside if you keep it in your mind this is not a slow day at the store.

At this point it doesn't feel like this situation will get better any time soon. I suppose this thought it part of why I'm feeling so down these days. Two months of unemployment coupled with low prospects of re-employment during this crisis is not doing me any good. I think it's starting to dawn on me that before the virus hit, I was doing very well working on improving my living conditions and now everything is stagnant bordering on falling apart.

Week 9: Books!

The address to the nation that the Prime Minister provided us with was a sham. A vague notion of staying alert like you could spot a microscopic virus creeping up on you in a dark alley if you could only keep your wits sharp was presented as the next stage of facing the current crisis. The government's message was so confusing that throughout the week, they kept changing the meaning of what has been said. It's a mess... the result of which is that people are now acting as if the lockdown is over. It's fairly likely that the way this is being handled will cause another rise in deaths which is already highest in Europe. As bad as it was, it now feels a lot worse.

BOOKS!

However, there were some good news this week. I have received Jobseeker Allowance which should help me manage my financial situation slightly better and I have received a gift in the post. My good friend Matias got me two books as a gift to get through these harsh times. I haven't opened either up yet because I was going re-reading the newly released Sentinel Comics RPG in pdf. I say re-read but that's not entirely true. Some of the chapters have been released to Kickstarter backers previously, which I have gone through, but that was a pre-production copy so now I'm reading the actual game even if the material in some places is unchaged.

I must admit, I have read very little this year. My reading habits are normally very sporadic but I still manage to go through a decent number of books. This year, however, I only finished one book. It's been hard sitting down to do anything recently and when I had the energy, I tried to channel it into housework and looking for employment. Which did not stop me from picking up the Hunger Games trilogy off the street on my weekly walk to the store.

Week 8: Queue

There's very little to be said about this week.
It's another one of those where I'm simply waiting for things.

I've spoken with my landlady and she has reduced my rent for this month so I won't have to worry about running out of money. I'll have to repay her the difference when I'm provided with financial support through Universal Credit though.

A Kickstarter I backed a few years ago has announced that they will be releasing a pdf for their roleplaying game by the end of this week or start of the next one. Clearly, at this point it'll be at the start of next week. There's something good to look forward to, at least.

We're also waiting for the Prime Minister to address the nation at the end of this week. Word is that the lockdown restrictions are to be relaxed which, of course, means people are already ignoring it more than they should. What the address will actually say is still anyone's guess but knowing this government I highly doubt it'll be any good.

Week 7: Disappointment

I wasn't expecting to be receiving much in terms of financial support from the government through Universal Credit but I was still shocked to learn that I will be getting nothing at all. Apparently, every pound I've earned with my last paycheck has reduced my claim for this month by 63p which, in total, reduced it to a zero.

I've still got enough to see me through this month and I hope I'll be receiving some financial support in the following month because with the lockdown going strong, it's unlikely I'll find employment until it's lifted.

I've been really hitting the films this week. Nearly every evening I spent watching a film of some sort. I haven't done this in ages. Usually I just sit down to watch an episode of a TV show because it's a smaller time commitment than a film but now we're all finding ourselves with more time to spare on our hands. I really should do something more productive with my time.

I had a horrible headache over the weekend so to keep myself occupied, I made a Steam Workshop Item for Tabletop Simulator. Green Ronin released a Print to Play version of their upcoming Sentinels of Earth Prime card game so I took the files and converted them to import into Tabletop Simulator. I'm looking forward to testing the game out with my RP mates tomorrow.

I'm trying not to have naps in the late afternoon as they mess up my sleep schedule too much.

Week 6: The Waiting Game

and so does time pass

There's very little I can say regarding this week. I'm not even sure what I was doing most of the time. Nothing special, that's for certain. I'm losing track of what I'm doing lately...

This week feels like it's all been about waiting. I'm to find out what my Universal Credit payment will be for next month so I can plan out my finances next week. While I suspect it won't be much, I hope it'll still help me plow through these strange times we find ourselves in.

My RP session this week was supposed to be the last one but it got extended into another week. That one will be the last, after which I won't be running games for the duration of the lockdown. Although I enjoyed it and am looking forward to using Tabletop Simulator in boardgaming further with my friends, I can't get myself to run a game without a set schedule. Not knowing when this lockdown will end gets to me too much.

I've still got a stuffy, and sometimes runny, nose. I had to resort to using a nasal spray to clear it up enough so I could sleep at night.